Egoist Parody: Stripper Pole
by NowakiStar
Summary: Hiroki must work as a call boy to pay off a large debt he owes the used book store. But what happens when he meets a guy who isn't interested in just his body? PARODY!
1. Alone in the Park

_Egoist Parody: Striper Pole._

_Thanks for actually clicking on this! Please don't hate me too much for this spoof. I promise, somehow it'll end up funny!_

**_Disclaimer: I don't own Junjou Romantica. But if I did..._**

--

Ryu-chan was someone Hiroki could always count on to be in the mood. He was obsessed with him. Hiroki had even caught the boy stalking him before.

But Hiroki didn't have much of a choice. He owed the used book store over 2 billion yen. And the only way to make money fast was to whore himself off. Not to mention he still had to pay his college loans.

Hiroki thought about all the shit he'd been through in the past few weeks. First, finding out he owed them soo much. Second, realizing sex was the only thing he was good for. Third, Akihiko.

Hiroki didn't like thinking about Akihiko. So he went to Ryu-chan's apartment, like he did very night.

He opened the door, knowing it wasn't locked. "Hey, Ryuichiru! You here?" He didn't need to ask. Ryuichiru knew Hiroki's schedule and stayed home.

"Yeah, come on in." the other boy said from his bedroom.

Hiroki sighed, though he was slightly glad it would be over with shortly. He pulled his shirt off on his way, and was just unzipping his pants when he entered the room. Ryu-chan sat on the bed, watching Hiroki with interest.

"Eagar?" he asked.

Hiroki shrugged. It wasn't that he didn't like sex; he just didn't like it with Ryu-chan. He crawled onto the bed, and on hands and knees leaned onto Ryu-chan. He kissed the annoying pervert that always bought his body for double what everyone else did. Everyone except Akihiko.

Hiroki let himself be handcuffed to Ryu-chan's bed. He didn't have a choice really. And it wasn't like he didn't already have bruises on his wrist from them.

The next five minutes Hiroki spent watching the ceiling and listening to Ryuichiru's moans. He pretended he was with Akihiko, though the real thing was much better, and screamed as he was roughly taken.

"You like that, don't you, bitch?"

Hiroki didn't answer; he only thrust in time with the other. He hated how Ryu-chan always called him by that word. Ryu-chan was a freaky, pervert bastard. He had no right calling Hiroki a bitch. Even if he was selling his body, it didn't mean he was a slut that could be treated like garbage.

A few minutes later Ryu-chan came inside Hiroki. Yes, only a _few_ minutes. Ryu-chan was very, very easy. Hiroki forced himself to do the same, pretending it was Akihiko above him. Then he opened his eyes and waited for Ryuichiru to leave him. He did after trying to chat with Hiroki about school. Hiroki made it clear he didn't want to talk, and Ryuichiru began digging through his wallet.

"You know, you could always spend the night here. Paying for your apartment must be hell." Ryu-chan tried.

"Actually, I'm staying with a friend until everything gets cleared up. But I'll think about it," he would never in a thousand years even consider moving in with Ryu-chan. But he played interested; he had to keep his second best customer.

Hiroki got his money, in cash, and started home. It really didn't feel like home. Akihiko was paying for it too, which made Hiroki feel slightly guilty. Akihiko had even offered to let Hiroki live with him but after that night…

Hiroki slumped into the park bench. He didn't feel like going home yet, and the sun was still up. Hiroki knew he should be changing into his short shorts and working the corner. But he didn't want too. Plus Ryu-chan had really torn him up earlier. He should at least go back to his room.

But he'd be alone there. And when he was alone he couldn't stop thinking about Akihiko. It was like curse.

Then again, it wasn't exactly easy to forget the person you lost your virginity to. Or the person you'd loved for the better part of a decade. The person who had offered to pay for every debt.

Hiroki could let him though. He knew it wasn't right. Not after he'd taken advantage of him like that.

And he had to admit he had taken advantage of his friend.

Hiroki wiped a small tear from his eye. He deserved everything that happened to him. He was possibly the worst person he knew.

Yet Akihiko was still soo kind to him. It wasn't fair. Didn't he realize Hiroki was in love with him? Could he stop worshipping Takahiro for a moment, and notice how he was tearing his friend harder than Ryu-chan ever could?

Hiroki couldn't stop the tears that fell. He didn't want to.

Something fell from the sky, crashing at Hiroki's feet. He jumped before realizing it was just a small home-made rocket. He looked up to see a boy almost his age chasing after it.

The boy stopped when he saw Hiroki. Hiroki couldn't help staring back. The guy was pretty good looking. No, not just good looking. He was fucking sexy. And he wasn't even looking at Hiroki like a vulture watching its prey; the way most men looked at him.

Or at least that wasn't what Hiroki thought until the guy grabbed him and began dragging him toward the other side of the park.

"Hello, I'm Kusama Nowaki." He said, still pulling Hiroki along with him.

"Let go!" Hiroki yelled, holding back. He didn't care how hot this guy was, his butt still hurt like hell.

The younger boy only smiled and continued walking. He finally let Hiroki go beside a group of old drunk guys.

"These are my only friends. Pathetic, huh?"

"Yes, very pathetic," Hiroki answered.

"You want some beer?" one of them asked handing it to him.

Hiroki took it, thinking he deserved it after the crappy day he'd had. Of course, if he drank every time he had a crappy day, his liver would have exploded long ago.

Then he got to talk to a bunch of old guys. And the Nowaki kid messed up his hair. Probably so the older guys wouldn't realize it was actually sex-hair. Hiroki didn't really care though, because he was strangely attracted to his hands. They reminded him of Akihiko's even though they were big, warm and totally different shaped.

Then the old guys gave him business cards. Hiroki didn't bothering them that they'd actually given him a bunch of baseball cards and a pass to the playboy mansion. They were pretty old, and probably couldn't see well.

But Hiroki wasn't really interested in them. Or the pass. He couldn't help staring at Nowaki.

_No, this is just pathetic. Stop it! You need to be working right now!_ He sighed and stood up. "I've got to go."

He started home to get his leather tights. It was too chilly for shorts.

After a couple blocks he realized Nowaki was following him. _Maybe, I don't have to change clothes…_ "What do you want?" he asked, facing his new stalker.

"I'm worried about you. You were crying…"

"That has nothing to do with you!" Hiroki yelled. No, he wouldn't be making money off this guy. Hiroki could tell he wasn't. If Nowaki was interested, he wouldn't look so damn sincere. He turned and began walking again, only to have Nowaki continue following.

"What if you kill yourself? I'll feel guilty."

"What the fuck?"

"Sorry, nevermind. Anyway, do you go to college?"

"Why do you care?"

"I need a tutor because I'm stupid."

"I don't have time. Sorry, find someone else."

"I'll pay you." He said which made Hiroki stop. "I'll pay you more than you'll make off your body."

"How did you…"

"You're shoes," Nowaki answered, "You can tell everything from a person's shoes."

"You're very weird." Hiroki began walking again. They were very close to his apartment now.

"It's true. And from how you're walking, it's kind of obvious."

"You don't know me. I could have a boyfriend."

"Then why were you crying?" Nowaki asked simply.

"Look, I'm busy. So, what do you want?"

"I want you, Hiro-san," he said.

"Leave me alone," Hiroki said, unlocking his door.

The boy remained standing in the doorway.

"You are such a pest! Get out, or I'll get pissed off and call the cops."

"Go right ahead. I'm sure they'll be very interested in your business."

Hiroki slammed the door in Nowaki's face. How dare he say that!? Hiroki punched his fist through the opposite wall, forever ruining his neighbor's direct TV, before he noticed he'd left his key in the door. His eyes widened in surprise and he quickly stepped outside to get them.

But they were gone. Nowaki had taken them.

Hiroki's life sucked. Majorly.

--

**Okay, hopefully this isn't as terrible as it seems. Please review and the spoof will go on! Plus it makes me smile.**


	2. RAINING MEN and books BUT MAINLY MEN

_Thanks to everyone who reviewed! Hopefully you're not disappointed. _

_And sadly, Hiroki doesn't seem very… Hiroki in this. I'm hoping to improve in the later chapters. All OOC-ness is due to this being a spoof, and for that I am sorry._

--

I woke up to someone stroking my hair lovingly. _Akihiko,_ I wondered. I loved how Akihiko rubbed my head. It was soo sweet… Then I opened my eyes and realized it was Nowaki touching me, not Akihiko.

"Bastard!" I yelled jumping back, "What are you doing in my house?"

"Well, I finished my paper route, because I'm such a big boy! And then I stopped here to watch you sleep like Edward Cullen." He said, smiling like usual.

"Get out!" I yelled, pulling my blanks up to cover my nude body.

"I made you breakfast." Nowaki offered another smile.

--

"You did all this just so I'd tutor you?" I asked, looking at all the food on the table. I hadn't seen that much food in a long time.

"You don't know?"

"Duh, why do you think I'm asking?"

"Hm, I wonder…" Nowaki shook his head and began eating. Wow, this guy was soo weird. I would probably have to get a restraining order against him.

Anyway, so I let him hang out. Mostly because he offered to do the dishes, and they had been piling up. I leaned back against one of my many piles of books, watching him. When he glanced up at me I jumped back, hitting the stacks. They wobbled a couple of seconds before showering down on me.

"Are you okay?" Nowaki asked, shielding me from the falling books.

"A bunch of books just rained on my head. Of course I'm not okay!" I said, sitting up.

"You know you owe me one now." Nowaki winked at me.

"Don't get too excited." I growled putting my chest out as if it made me intimating. "I'll tutor you but you better adjust to my schedule! Late nights and early mornings!"

"Yes!" he said beginning to pick up the books around us.

Putting aside his annoying straightforwardness, I decided Nowaki wasn't too bad. And he was really starting to remind me of Akihiko.

No. He wasn't like Akihiko at all. It was just his hands.

"You're soo cute, Hiro-san," he said, rubbing my head like Usami did. Nevermind, he was just as annoying as I thought he'd be.

I threw the books I'd picked up at him. "You know what, I don't need this. I've got work."

"You mean; you're going out to…"

"Yeah, I am." I said crossing my arms.

Nowaki frowned and said, "Please don't."

"What? Are you going to give me a job? I don't think so, so do your homework and let me go."

--

I got home an hour later. Nowaki was asleep on my floor. Go figure. I didn't really expect him to leave. I took the paper off the table in front of him.

"You're back?" he said, yawning.

"Yeah," I said, scanning the paper he'd written. "I'll check these, now go wash your face. You're drooling."

He nodded and went into my bathroom. "So… This is kind of awkward."

"I don't say anything about your life; you don't say anything about mine." I muttered back.

"Okay, so how's your senior _thesis_ coming? Did I say that right?"

"Yeah, and it's finished. But I still have to write another."

"Why?"

"I'm going to be staying in school," I sighed.

"Are you being held back?"

"No, you idiot!" I shouted, "I'll have you know I'm at the top of my class. I'm going to become a grad-student like I've always wanted! Then I'm going to go to band-camp. And I'll yaoi, but I won't care about the Yuri."

"Oh, nice." He said nodding approvingly.

"I guess… Uh, I was just saying, you know. I didn't mean to brag." I said realizing how childish I sounded.

"Why not? If you're good, say so,"

"Well, I've heard I'm pretty damn good." I teased making him blush. I wasn't shy about my lifestyle. And maybe I'd scare him away. "Anyway, these are all right. Read the next chapter in this and come back next week and I'll give you a test on it."

"Next week?" he asked.

"I'm not your baby-sitter, Nowaki. I'm not going to see you every day."

"I can finish that book over night."

"Then you won't sleep. That's why I do my work early except on weekends. You need to get a good rest. Don't you have six jobs or something anyway?"

"Yeah, things meant get pretty rough."

"Really rough, just like Bara-sama down the block."

Nowaki looked at me with sad eyes, "You know I can help..."

"No," I said stubbornly, "I don't need help."

"But, Hiroki, this isn't…"

"Isn't what?" I asked, pissed off, "Nowaki, I told you before. Don't say anything about my life, okay? You don't understand half of it."

"I'm sorry. You're right, but I'd love to know you better, Hiro-san."

"Why?"

"I just do," he answered.

"Whatever," I said. I stepped into the kitchen and began digging though my fridge. I grabbed a couple cans of beer and went back out. "You want to know me better? You're going to have to get me really, really drunk."

Nowaki laughed and took the can I handed him.

Okay, I take back I lot of what I said before. He wasn't too bad. We hung out for awhile. And laughed over a couple stories.

Then he ruined everything by bringing up Akihiko.

"You like that writer, don't you?" he asked, picking up one of Usami's books.

"Why would you say that?"

"Well besides the fact that you own 3 of every book, you also have hearts drawn around his name and the picture on the back of the book. It's kind of creepy." He said, showing me the picture.

I pulled the book from his hands and threw it across the room. "He's my best friend," I answered, "That's it."

Okay, that wasn't it. I was in love with Akihiko. _No, I used to be,_ I told myself. He didn't feel the same as me.

"I got to go," Nowaki said suddenly, looking at his watch. "I'll miss the last train if I don't."

He left. But I didn't feel as excited as I should have. Maybe Nowaki wouldn't be too bad.

--

**Okay, this was getting long so I had to cut it here. Thanks again to those who've reviewed and hopefully I'm not screwing everything too much.**

**Review Responses: Thanks to everyone who asked for it to be continued. You all get a cookie. And yeah, this is the Egoist Spoof, which is already more popular than my Terrorist Spoof. (Romantica? Well, a friend and I were talking and I think it may involve aliens. And I do have horrible ideas for Mistake.) (I just saw Couple's Retreat… Prepare for a new Cross-over spoof.) **

**And, yeah I don't believe in dissing ****prostitutes either. Its pimps I don't like. (In the first rough-draft-in-my-mind Akihiko was gonna be Hiroki's pimp… but I took it out because it just didn't fit right.)**


	3. Realization

_And here's the second part. Enjoy! (By the way, ever notice there hasn't been any mention of Pole-Dancing yet? Well, I guess that'll be next chapter.) _

_**Yaoi Warnings for later in chapter.**_

--

"You know, I'm always here if you want to talk." Nowaki said, sitting beside me on the couch.

I shrugged, not quite ready to open up to him.

"Hiro-san," he stopped suddenly, as if not sure what to say.

"What?"

"I just wish I could know you." He said; face turning serious, "You know how I got my name?"

"No,"

"Well, I was abandoned at the orphanage when I was a baby. The day they found me there was a typhoon going on."

"Seriously?" I been hadn't expected that.

"Yeah,"

"Wow, and I thought I had crappy parents." I mumbled.

"I sure you had great parents," he said, casually putting his arm around me.

"I'm sorry," I said, again feeling like a jerk. Somehow Nowaki made me feel this way a lot. "I shouldn't complain about mine when you lost yours."

"It isn't that bad. I grew up fine."

"Just keep telling yourself that," I teased, almost pushing his arm away. But it was warm, all of Nowaki was warm, and it felt kind of nice.

"Well, I've told you my story. Now, what's yours?"

I shook my head, "Not telling you."

His arm tightened around me, "Come on, Hiro-san. You know me, so I should be able to know you."

"Fine, but loosen up will you? You've got worst manners than Ryu-chan!"

"Who's he?"

"One of my… guys." I looked at him to make sure he understood. He nodded and I continued, "Anyway, he's horrible. I hate him. But he's obsessed with me and pays well."

"Is he the one who put those nasty marks on your arm?"

"Not just my arms," I looked up at Nowaki who was awkwardly staring at his feet. "Does that bother you?"

"You shouldn't do it."

"Isn't that for me to decide? It's my body."

"Yeah but… Doesn't it hurt?"

"Yeah," I admitted.

"And aren't the guys you run into, like creeps?"

"Yeah,"

"Then why?"

"I owe a lot of money, and normal jobs just don't pay enough. I worked for awhile at a gay bar after school. But it wasn't enough, and most well paying jobs are during school. But I really want to finish college. So, I kind of have to."

"You know, I'd be happy to help you. I have a couple hundred dollars saved up…"

"No. It's not just that…" a tear rolled down my cheek forcing me to stop.

Nowaki pressed it away for me, "What?"

"Nothing," I leaned against him. I couldn't tell him. I couldn't just open myself up to anyone again. I built those walls for a reason. I was all alone.

Nowaki didn't press me anymore that night. Eventually I pushed him away and forced him to do my science homework. Of course, I didn't tell him it was _my_ homework. He was pretty good at physical science and I wondered if he'd switch majors. But he claimed he was interested in social work.

--A few weeks later, Hiroki's dream/flashback:

"_Please, Akihiko." I begged, "I don't want to lose my virginity to a complete stranger. Or that freaky Ryu-chan guy! Please, just this once. I promise I'll never ask anything from you again."_

"_Hiroki, I'm in love with Takahiro. Why don't I just give you the money?"_

"_I have to do this myself. Plus if you just gave me the money, there'd be no storyline and everything would be boring."_

"_True. But I'm soooooo in love with Takahiro."_

"_That's okay. You can use this blindfold I just happen to own." _

"_Okay!" he said, letting me tie it on. I grinned like an idiot as I stripped him clothes from him then myself. I'd always loved Usami. But I'd never been able to tell him with words. Could doing this get my point across? _

_Takahiro didn't know what he was missing. _

_I shifted forward, close enough to kiss him. I almost did, but I had to keep moving. Akihiko was really hard now. He wasn't going to last much longer…_

_His head tipped back as he climaxed hard into me. "Takahiro," he moaned, causing me to finch. How could he still… After all this, he still loves Takahiro?_

_Yeah, my life sucks._

_I thought sex would get the point across. But Akihiko just thought I was a slut in training. Or something. _

Why not prove him right?_ I thought looking at Ryuichiru the next day. The creep was outside my apartment. Again._

"_Ryu-chan," I fake cried, stepping up to him. "I don't know what I'm going to do!"_

_He embraced me, and asked, "What's wrong, Hiro-san?"_

"_I owe the used bookstore a lot of money. And I can only think of one way to get it. But… I'm afraid. I'm… I have to sell myself." I continued fake crying. _

_He patted my back. "Its okay, Hiroki. I understand. It's scary. But I can… help you through this."_

"_Really?" _

"_Yes, I'll do it with you. I'll pay you as much as you need so you can get out of debt quickly." The creep said, walking me back to his room._

_Then he called me his bitch, and I knew the relationship wasn't going to work out._

--

I woke up early on Saturday. It wasn't like me at all. Usually I'm out until noon, then I read or go to the used bookstore then I work. But things have been different since I started tutoring Nowaki. He works later in the day too, so he comes to my house early.

So, after dragging myself out of bed I took a shower hoping to wake myself up. Of course, during this I realized my headache was due to hangover and not just the freaky dreams I was having.

The doorbell rang shortly after I'd finished attempting to clean myself up. I miserably answered it and let Nowaki in.

"What are you staring at?" I snapped. He was looking at me like I was one of those creepy monsters from the movie _Zombie Land._

"You… ah, you look tired."

"That's just a nice way of saying I look like crap."

"You look like crap, Hiro-san." He teased reaching out to mess with my hair.

"Shut up!" I said, jumping back, "I'm on my period, and I don't feel like dealing with anyone today."

"You're a guy, Hiro-san."

"I have a hangover, so could you make me breakfast or something?"

"Sure, Hiro-san," he said, walking past me. As he did I noticed he was tracking mud through my house.

"Stop! Take your shoes off, stupid!" I growled as he turned and left his shoes at my door. "How did you get soo dirty?" I asked, realizing it wasn't just his shoes.

"I got a job at a construction company."

"Why would you do something like that?"

"I need the money. Some of us work for our money, you know." He said, once again belittling my profession.

"I work for my money too! You think I like doing this?" I asked. Did Nowaki really think I was a lazy whore who liked working the corners?

"I'm sorry," he said, realizing he'd hit a nerve. A real sensitive nerve.

"Go take a shower, you stink." I said, sitting down to grade the homework he'd brought back.

Needless to say, without a stupid brat to yell at and a boring test paper to grade, plus the fact I didn't sleep much; I fell asleep.

Within a few minutes Akihiko had once again shown up in my dreams.

"Get in bed, you'll catch a cold out here," a voice said. Akihiko? Was that you?

"Akihiko?" I asked; sighing as dream-Akihiko began strip-teasing. I never said it was a realist dream. Besides, hadn't he just told me to get in bed?

"That's it." The voice said, suddenly pressing his mouth against mine.

And it wasn't Usami.

"What the hell?" I asked, pushing Nowaki off me.

"You like Akihiko, don't you? You were talking about him in your sleep."

"That has nothing to do with you. And if you think you can do whatever the hell you want with me, just because of my work then you can get the hell out!"

"I don't think that. I got a job at the construction place so I could quit two jobs and spend more time with you. Besides, it pays more than either of them… I can support you, Hiro-san."

"What are you saying?" He couldn't mean…

"Well, it usually counts as a confession." His warm Akihiko-ish hand caressed me cheek.

"Confession?" I asked nervously. Why would he…

"If I don't say it, you'd probably never notice. Hiro-san, I…"

"Wait!" I yelled, "In most mangas, this is the turning point where I, the main character, realize something important."

"Well, I was just about to…"

"Shut up, Nowaki! I'm about to discover something important!"

Just then the doorbell rang. I jumped up and ran to get it. Glancing out the peephole, I saw that it was Akihiko on my doorstep.

"Hey look, it's Usami! Isn't that soo convenient?"I swung the door open and stepped out to meet my friend.

"You're still alive? I thought maybe one of your boys gave you drugs, and locked you up. They called you sweet things like 'sweet honey' and 'stupid brat' before stabbing your eyes out. Afterward they raped your corps to death. Then used you blood for satanic rites before burying you in an unmarked grave that they visit twice a month. There, they have picnics and lunch. With sugar-cookies for dessert. Yummy." Usami said, licking his lips. His really sexy lips.

"Well, excuse me for not being dead and raped." I remarked, as Akihiko began laughing like a madman.

"Am I the only one who thinks this conversion is messed up?" Nowaki muttered, walking up behind me.

"Don't make fun of me, I was seriously concerned." Akihiko crossed his arms before raising an eyebrow and saying, "Wow, Hiroki. You look like shit! Have you been eating all your food groups?"

"Well, at least my skin's nice." I say causing him to smile.

Akihiko reached out and began rubbing my head. He muttered something that sounded like "Good doggy,"

And yeah, I still loved how he stroked my head. And it still crushed me how he continued to do this, and act like he cared. He didn't love me. Why did he have to be soo cruel?

"Excuse me, but I'll be taking care if Hiro-san from now on." Nowaki said, hugging me from behind and slapping his hand away.

"Well then, I guess I'll leave you two alone." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, "Have fun, but not too much fun."

"Akihiko! We're not…"

"Oh, you two have already… Well, I'm sorry, Hiroki. In that case, just don't do anything I wouldn't." he said, already walking away.

"Is there anything you haven't done?" He chuckled a bit before Nowaki slammed the door and he was out of sight.

"Jerk! He totally got the wrong idea! What if he tells everyone at school? I swear, I'm going to…"

"I love you,"

I stared at him, mouth hanging open in shock.

"That day I saw you in the park, I fell in love with you at first sight. That's why I asked you to be my tutor."

"Love at first sight?"

"When I first saw you, you were crying. That was because of Usami wasn't it? You know, I'd never do anything to make you cry. I mean, you're crying is sexy and all but I really just want to see you smile."

"I smile," I said defensively.

"Try it." He challenged.

"You're too direct."

"Do you hate direct people? I can change."

"I'm just not used to it."

"Then I'll have to get you used to it."

"Nowaki…" I began. I wasn't ready for a relationship.

He leaned in and pressed his lips against mine and all doubts were shoved out of my mind. Somehow, I'd been swept away by this guy. And I was no longer alone.

"I love you, Hiro-san. Please, love me back."

He waited for me to return his feelings but I couldn't. My pride just wouldn't let me. So instead I stepped back and said, "Okay, fine. But next time you're paying like everybody else."

"Hiro-san, you mean I can…"

"Yes, now shut up and come on." I said blushing. I really wasn't used to making the first move. Actually I wasn't even used to anyone making moves. Usually I was taking to an apartment room and jumped as soon as I got paid.

Nowaki just followed me into my bedroom and helped me strip.

Of course that only lasted like two seconds; because, like every other guy I've slept with, Nowaki gets hard just thinking about sex. Usually I'm happy about that because it meant I didn't have to worry about it taking too long and not getting home on time. But Nowaki was different. I actually wanted to sleep with him.

So, I willingly opened myself to him. I already knew what I was expected to do as a Uke; which was not as glamorous as it seemed. I leaned on my elbows for support and spread my legs. I closed my eyes as I felt his already hard dick moving into position. And…

Ow.

That f'in moron.

"You're amazing, Hiro-san," he said kissing the back of my neck. I, on the other hand, was breathing heavily and trying to get used to him. By the way, Nowaki's manhood is a lot bigger than Ryu-chan's. In more ways than one. "I'm all the way in," NO KIDDING?! "Um, are you okay?"

"How can I be? Wait a minute." I cried as he began thrusting in and out. "Kusama Nowaki, wait an f'in moment!"

"Hiro-san, you're soo cute," he said, though he did slow down.

"Brat," I muttered, knowing my butt was going to hurt a lot the next morning.

"I love you." He said, kissing me again.

"Yeah… you've told me… like, four… times!" I said, pausing to moan as he hit deep inside me.

"Aw, you actually counted!"

--

**Okay, that's it. Seriously. I tried writing more detail-y, but it seemed weird when I reread it. **

**Anyone who knows who Ryu-chan is, in book, gets a cookie.**

**Responses: Yes, Edward Cullen is a stalker. (Worse than Nowaki the stalker) And no I am not a twilight person. It just seemed like a bad remake of Queen of the Damned only with sparkles. And no killing people. And the vampires were straight. Yet covered themselves in body-glitter. Lol. Peace.**


	4. First Time

_Well, I haven't really had much inspiration for this. I'm sorry it took awhile. Hope you aren't too disappointed._

_--_

When I woke up, Nowaki was still asleep beside me. His breathing was deep and even; one of his arms was holding me against him.

This was the first time I'd slept with someone who wasn't paying me.

I carefully slid out from under his arm. It wasn't that I didn't like being held, I did, and it wasn't that I didn't like Nowaki, I really did. But I'd been with him all night instead of working. And my debt was still hanging over my head.

I kissed his forehead before taking a quick shower and walking to my loyal customer Ryu-Chan's house.

"Good morning, Ryu-Chan," I said when he let me inside, "You miss me last night?"

"Where were you?" he asked reminding me why I hated him the most. He was possessive. And he didn't own me.

"I had another appointment." I replied calmly.

He glared at me before forcibly removing my clothes. Some things never change.

Ryuichiru pushed me face down on his small single bed. No foreplay today. Not when he was so pissed off that I'd been sleeping with someone else. He also didn't bother preparing me. Jack ass. I'd forgiven Nowaki for that because he didn't know. But Ryu-Chan did know. He was just being… well, a typical guy I guess.

Ryuichiru pushed into my already sore body. He didn't wait for me to adjust at all, even when I started screaming at him. Ryu-Chan liked when I screamed. It only made him go faster. And farther. He paused, all the way in, about to whisper in my ear. 'You like that…'

And then suddenly there was a bang from outside the bedroom. "Hiro-san?" a familiar voice asked.

My mind when blank.

Nowaki was here.

And I was…

Fuck.

"Who's there?" Ryu-Chan asked, pulling out.

"Is Hiro-san here?"

"Go away, Nowaki!" I said, my voice broken. There was no way I could face him like this.

"Who's he?" Ryuichiru asked; giving me a hard thrust, daring me to cry out again.

And I did.

Damn Ryuichiru.

The bedroom door was thrown open. I was lucky enough not to be facing the door, nor to have to see Nowaki's face.

Ryuichiru stood up to face him, leaving me on the bed. "What the hell are you doing?"

"You were hurting Hiro-san," Nowaki said, "And I know he probably doesn't want me to get involved but I can't let you hurt him."

There was another bang as Ryuichiru was thrown against the wall. He yelled something crude but I wasn't paying attention.

A warm hand was on my shoulder. "Get dressed, okay?"

I did as Nowaki told me. My mind still wasn't working right. I keep thinking I should be pissed off that he'd followed me. Or that he hadn't left. But then I was also afraid of losing him. Afraid that now that he'd seen what I did for a living, he wouldn't want me.

I didn't really notice how Ryu-Chan was cowering in the corner. Or now Nowaki averted his eyes as I dressed. I couldn't stand the silence. I wanted out of there as soon as possible. So, as soon as my clothes were on I left the bedroom. Ryu-Chan yelled something about 'if you walk out now, don't you ever bother coming back' but I wasn't listening.

Nowaki followed me out of the apartment. We walked in silence back toward home. I was a mess. My clothes were slightly torn, I was still sweating and my hair revealed to the world what I'd recently been doing.

"You hungry?" Nowaki said, finally breaking the silence.

"What?" I couldn't believe he was still talking to me. Let alone asking casual things like whether or not I was hungry.

"Are you hungry?" he asked, "I was planning to make you breakfast this morning but you'd left before I'd woken up."

"Um… Yeah, I guess I am."

"There's a very nice fast-food place a block from here. We could eat there."

"I'm a mess," I said. I meant it literary and figuratively. My mind still wouldn't believe what was happening. Nowaki couldn't just forgive me for all of this… could he?

"They have a bathroom. You won't be able to shower but you could still clean up a bit."

"Um, okay,"

--

Normal thought process returned after I'd spent about five minutes splashing water into my face. The fact that I wouldn't see Ryuichiru again wasn't as reassuring as it should have been. He was a good customer. But in reality it wasn't such a big loss. I'd always hated him.

I couldn't understand why Nowaki was being so kind though. I would have been pissed off if I'd seen Akihiko with someone else. Of course it was probably worse that I'd returned his feelings. I'd betrayed Nowaki. I didn't deserve him.

I tried fixing my hair and ended up having to wet it. It didn't look too bad, I thought. But it was still obvious, wasn't it?

Nowaki was sitting in a booth here the bathrooms, waiting for me. I took a breath before forcing myself to move forward and sit across from him. Of course I still wasn't able to look at him for many long minutes.

"Hiro-san?" he asked, one hand reaching across the table for mine.

I put my head farther down, if that was even possible.

"About what I said yesterday," he started. I instantly knew what was happening. He was going to take back everything. I just knew it…

"Yeah?" I asked when he didn't continue. I glanced up at his hurt expression, then back at myself. I couldn't stand looking at his sad face.

"Remember how I told you I wanted to support you… Well, I do." He tilted my face up to meet his eyes. "I know you don't like doing… this. And I want to help you!"

I blinked in surprise. "Don't you hate me?"

It was his turn to look surprised, "I could never hate you, Hiro-san. I hate that guy you were with. But I can't hate you."

"I'm horrible, Nowaki!" I said, looking back down, "You deserve better than this."

"I love you," he said.

Just then, before I could answer, the waitress showed up. She asked for our orders. And since I had no clue what they served here, I simply ordered the same Nowaki had. Which turned out to be chocolate chip pancakes.

By the time we'd both finished and were walking back to my apartment, I felt a lot better. Maybe chocolate really can cure anything.

And maybe pigs will fly out of Akihiko's big butt.

--

Nowaki kept his word about supporting me.

And I never had to whore myself off for money again. Or at least very often.

But I'd never tell Nowaki that. It'd break his heart.

Then one day, he just vanished. And I was back to my old ways within a month.

I just got a letter from him last week. It was just telling me that he was coming back to Japan after a year in America.

Yes, a year.

--

_There's something I want to tell you. Something I've held close to my heart ever since I met you. Now with all my feelings, I'll tell you._

"Nowaki," I said, making him look up. "You're a fucking moron!"

I slammed my boot into his head. Normally this would have shattered his skull or at least banged his brain causing it to swell; but that isn't part of the storyline. So, he was okay.

I ran off, everyone was staring at the crazy dude and asking Nowaki if he was okay. I didn't hang around to hear his response. He'd put me through hell this past year. I was not going to apologize. And I wasn't going to look back.

I was done with Nowaki.

--

I sat next to Rose on the subway. The woman always seemed to be there. In fact this was where I'd met her.

Nowadays she was simply an old woman on the subway. But back in the day, she'd been a real of ass. And although she was no longer in the business, she still had connections. She ran a whore-house just outside Tokyo. When I first lost Nowaki, she'd taken me in.

I remember that day perfectly.

_I had just slumped into a seat beside her. At the time I didn't really care. I was used to having sex-hair in public since I'd been working triple that week instead of my old "one a night" thing._

"_You okay, honey?" she'd asked._

"_Yes," I looked away. I didn't want to have to explain way I smelled like a Frat boy._

"_Rough night?" she asked causing me to look up. There was no way she… No, that was just a saying. She couldn't… "Or more exact, rough guy?" _

"_How did you know?" I was rather startled that someone had known as soon as I'd sat down. Was I that obvious?_

"_Honey, I've been in this business since before you were born. I know another whore when I see one. So, you wanna talk about it?"_

"_Not really," _

"_Don't be soo ashamed. I know how it is." She looked at me for awhile, "Maybe I can help you. You see, I run this house…"_

_Then she told me about her little company outside of town. And somehow she ended up helping me pack up that night. The next morning "Grandma" Rose brought me to the house. There I was welcomed as another one of "Rose's boys." There no one judged me and I was comfortable talking to a couple of people there. But I didn't tell anyone about Nowaki. It was still too painful._

_Rose was the only one I could really talk to about him. And I still could._

"You okay, Hiroki?" she asks, watching me carefully.

"I don't know what to do, Grandma!" I said, my eyes watering, "He ruined my life but I just can't hate him!"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I've never been very religious but I suppose they'd say 'God still loves you, Hiroki.'" She said.

"Not him!" I say loudly, "This is Japan. I'm a Buddhist! I meant Nowaki."

"Oh, so you did see him!" she said, taking my hands, "I'm soo sorry, I forgot. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Yeah, I need to bitch, Grandma."

"Tell me everything,"

So I did. It wasn't much. But in the end she told me the usual "It will be okay" before giving me money, like a good grandmother.

--

"Nowaki, how the heck did you get here before me?" I ask. Nowaki is sitting on the front steps of the whore-house. Jack and Oliver are hovering around trying to get him inside. I give them both the "he's mine, bitch" look, sending them both though the door before Nowaki's even noticed them.

"It was necessary for the storyline." Nowaki answered, "Anyhow I have no where to stay and was wondering if you'd let me spend the night."

"You can't just stay here! It isn't safe for guys like you!" I say, really not wanting to hear his lies. He'd already broken me enough.

"The alternative is sleeping on a highway, so…"

"Fine but you have to pay the fifty yen entry fee like everyone else. And if one of my boys shows up night, you must join in. Understand?"

"Perfectly, Hiro-san." He says pulling a credit card from his wallet.

"In cash, you idiot."

Luckily I got him past the tall man in the doorway, lying that Nowaki worked here. Luckily he was also really drunk and Rose would probably fire him when she found out. So in the long run it wasn't really important. Expect I'd have to give her the money.

"So, what were you doing in the States that was soo important?" I asked sitting down on my bed. It was the only real furniture in my room.

"I told you, I was studying at college, remember? I left a couple thousand yen in your bank account incase something like this happened. But I see you haven't touched it."

I felt my eyebrows rise. I'd never thought to see if he'd left me money…

"Well, I bought this for you while I was there!" he said, tossing me a badly wrapping present. "See, I did think of you. Like, every second! Is there a shower here I can use?"

"Yeah, use the sink and the bucket. Or you could use the ones downstairs but you'll want a rope."

"Oh," he said, understanding. "I'll use the bucket."

I lay on my bed, reading one of the many books scattered on the floor. I could hear him running water in my tiny bathroom.

"Um, Hiro-san, there's no hot water." He said, wandering back into the bedroom.

"Oh! I'm sorry; I forgot private rooms didn't get warm water." I said, still reading my book.

"I'm sorry to have bothered you," he said suddenly, "I'll leave."

"Wait, where will you go?" I asked, wondering if he would take me.

"I-D-K, I just don't want to bother you."

"No," I said, jumping between him and the door. We look at each other for a moment, before Nowaki pins me against the wall and starts kissing me. Damn, this just isn't fair. Why do I keep falling for this guy?

We somehow end up on my bed, probably because it's the only place to sit down. Nowaki slips his hand into the back of my pants. "I missed you, Hiro-san," he whispers.

"To hell with you!" I growl at him. Does he really think he can just walk back into my life after all this? Does he think I'll just let him back in?

No. I can't lose to him.

Naturally, I end up doing just that. Jerk better pay me for this.

"Why didn't you call me?" I ask, "I don't mean to sound like a teenage girl but you really should have called."

"Sorry, college turned out to be harder than I thought. I mean, they always show the popular guys partying in the movies…"

"Those are Frat-Boys, idiot, the rich American scum."

"I now know that," he says, holding me closer. Since the bed is small, though just big enough to have sex on, I ended up having to sleep on his chest. Not like I didn't want to…

"Well, since we're catching up, I became a grad student like I always wanted."

"That's amazing,"

"Not really. The pay isn't that great."

"You're just amazing Hiro-san, in more ways than one!"

"You really suck, Nowaki."

--

"_Now it seems you're leaving. But we've only just begun. And you've still got nowhere else to go. So I wait for you to take me all the way. Take me all the way. Push me under. Pull me…"_

I groaned and pushed End about twenty times to make my stupid cell-phone/alarm clock stop singing my ringtone.

I sit up; it takes me a moment to realize I remember all of last night. I'm used to the normal pain I get when I do so, and it's not like I enjoy remembering everything that happened.

"Where the hell is he?" I ask out loud. I look under my bed, the only place he could hide before noticed the note at the foot of my bed. I curse loudly when I read it. That stupid ass hole, I think crumbling the note and tossing it to the floor. I pull on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt before leaving for work. I pause at the door before picking up the note.

Maybe I misread it, I try to convince myself. But the words are still there when I read it again:

"_**Dear Hiro-san, I left again. Bye!"**_

--

**Okay, I'm gonna end it here. I was going to split this up the way the anime did. But it got a little long, so I'll do the next chapter tomorrow after school. I promise not to disappoint. **

**Please Review.**


	5. The Pimp From Hell

_I don't think I have anything to say up here… Oh! I did use the note from the abridged series. At first I was going to write: "Dear, Hiro-san. Your neighbors scare me…" But I couldn't think of anything to add after that except "I left again." And that seemed like too much, so I just used that._

_(I love the Junjou Abridged! Yay!)_

--

"Kamijou!" Miyagi says, embracing me from behind.

"Miyagi," I say irritated, pushing his arms away. I'm sure he just makes up reasons to hug me.

"In another one of your moods, eh? I swear, you're on your period." He says, hugging me again. As if that's supposed to make me feel better?!

"Just because you're my pimp, doesn't mean I can't sue you for sexual harassment." Naturally he backs off.

Sitting back at his desk, he says, "You should hear the rumors about you! Even the students call you 'Evil Temptress Kamijou!'"

"What? I've never…" I almost begin hyperventilating. Did I once sleep with one of my students? Surely I wouldn't sleep with someone too young, even if I were drunk…

"Just kidding!" he sings happily.

I launch a couple of book at him before remembering I have to get ready for my next class. I sigh and start collecting the books I'll need for it.

I should think myself lucky to have him as my pimp. Miyagi isn't gay, so he doesn't try anything. He only helps me get jobs. And in return I grade papers for him. And yet, I hate him. For some reason.

"Okay, I'm leaving for class. Lock the door before you leave. This is the only place I can store my books, my room was getting too crowded."

"Okay, Sunshine!"

"I told you, I refuse to go by that name!" I yelled grabbing a random book and chucking it at him.

He dodges, only because he'd expected it, and says, "But Hiro-anything is soooo common. You need something that stands out! Like: Sunshine or Starlight or Passion. Or my personal favorite: Pretty-Pony-Princess!"

"I refuse!" I scream, slamming the door behind me. I will not be anyone's 'bitch' and/or 'pretty pony princess.' Miyagi is just F'ed up in the head. Screw what I said earlier about being lucky.

--

Of all things, I end up having to read Pride and Prejudice to a class full of idiots. That isn't ironic or anything! And what's worse, I keep adding my own commentary and then yelling at myself for it.

_I hate people who let their emotions override their action. People should always be cool and collected to themselves, and each other. Especially if that person happens to be four years younger and named after a storm. But in reality, I want you to come and see me. To gaze into my face and tell me your stupid stories. Hold me. Kiss me._

Wow, I'm soo pathetic. I'm worse than Bella form Twilight.

Anyway, besides that class went okay. And afterward I sent Nowaki a postcard that said: "Kiss my black ass, Nowaki. It's over!"

And I moved out of the whore house. Miyagi lent me some money to get my dream home. It's like a giant version of 'Barbie's Talking Townhouse.' But it doesn't talk. And it has more than one bed room. And all four walls. And zero stickers. But _**WHATEVER**_! It's amazing, okay?

Until I start having flashbacks about dating Nowaki.

"_Huh?" I asked, looking up. _

"_You weren't listening, were you?" Nowaki asks, smiling stupidly._

"_I'm sorry. I just created a website where I can chat men up for 130 yen each message!" I lay one hand on the table between us. He gets the hint and takes it._

"_Impressive, how much have you made so far?"_

"_Um… 130 yen." I say blushing. We sit there awkwardly for a moment before I ask, "So, what was it you were babbling about?"_

"_Nothing about going to America to study or anything." _

'_BLING!' goes my laptop._

"_Look! I just made 130 yen!" I say happily, again ignoring him completely. _

"_You go, girl!"_

"_Never say that to my face. Ever!"_

"_Sorry, Hiro-san. My bad."_

That's how our dates usually went. Nowaki kept his promise to support me and help me with the debt. And he tried his best, he really did. But it wasn't always enough. I told him I created the website so I wouldn't have to do anything in person. But really it was just a cover-up. I didn't want him to freak out about my job again.

When he left, I thought he might have found out somehow.

Anyway, we went to dinner. I typed stuff. He talked about nothing really. And then we walked to the subway together. Sometimes we took the long way; just to be with each longer. We continued this for five years. Sad, isn't it?'

And sometimes he tried to make a move on me. But I always hit him for it. I wonder what it's like knowing your lover sleeps with other guys for money, but won't even touch you in public? I rarely held his hand even. I sometimes wondered why he put up with that.

Then he left and I thought he'd had enough.

I got what I deserved, didn't I?

I sat, leaning against the boxes of boxes._ I broke it off,_ I tell myself. _I chose this. I should be happy now._

But my heart hurt. I think it broke.

--

"Okay, get my fifty of these and thirty of these." Miyagi says, pointing to each box directly. As if he thinks I'll mess it up.

"I'm not your slave, Miyagi," I reply, glaring at him.

"I'll help you with your taxes. It's the least you could do!" he said, giving me a sad look. But there's no way I'm going for this.

"Miyagi, even I buy 50 boxes of condoms and 30 packs of Extends, won't it seem a little strange?"

"Yeah that's way I'm making you buy half of this stuff." He says, lighting up another cigarette.

"You need a hundred condoms and sixty boxes of extends!"

"I'm going to the playboy mansion next week; I need all I can get!" he says happily.

"So, you'll be for awhile? And I won't have to put up with you?" I ask, face lighting up, "Sure! I'll get you 75%!"

"That's the spirit, Hiro-san!" he cheers, holding his fist out for me to bump. I give him the look. "Opps, I forgot, you don't do that. High-five?"

I roll my eyes, though I do slap his hand. Hard.

He winces and holds his hand against his chest protectively. "You're soo cruel." He mutters.

A few seconds of peace follow. Until Miyagi decides to torture me again.

"You look tense," he says.

"Huh?"

"Is something wrong? You've looked funny since yesterday."

"I'm fine," I lie.

"Really?"

"Yes,"

"Then why did I find a tear-stained picture of a guy way too young to be your boyfriend?" he asks, holding up a picture of Nowaki. Shit! How'd he find that!?

"I'm not as old as I look," I say, stealing the picture back.

"Oh, why couldn't a cute gay work for me? One that often went into Chibi mode and did all my paperwork!?" he asks the sky, dramatically. Then he returns to being serious, "You know, I'm always here if you need to talk. Expect for next week."

"I can take care of myself," I lie again. Who am I fooling? I need my Nowaki!

"I still worry about you. That's way I took you in…"

"I'm not a lost puppy," I growl though I have to admit, even though he's majorly annoying, Miyagi does seem to care about others. "But thanks away," I force myself to add before I leave for my class.

"Hiro-san!" an all too familiar voice calls.

I turn quickly, and start going the other way. I just can't see Nowaki right now. I can't fall again!

"I'm sorry! I tried to call but it seems you forget to tell me your new cell phone number. And they told me you moved out of the whore house. I'm soo glad! I was called things there that I don't ever want to repeat!" He says, following me closely. When I don't answer he says, "I got your letter."

"Well, that's how it is." I say, trying not to look at him.

"What do you mean 'that's how it is?' Your ass isn't black, Hiro-san!"

"I know that! I meant the 'It's over' part."

"Oh, I was only here to ask about your butt. I kinda missed the other part cause the thought that you were changing race was rather distracting." He said, smiling. Then frowned, "What do you mean 'it's over?'"

"Things just weren't working out." I say, looking for an easy escape.

"Why weren't they? I can change!"

"We're both men, Nowaki." Bad excuse, but I've never been good with them.

"Hiro-san, you sleep with random guys for money. Don't give me that bull!"

"Maybe it isn't bull! Maybe I don't want to like guys when they force me to do the dirtiest things. It's not right! Besides we're four years apart!"

"So?"

"So? We don't like the same things or the same music. It must be rough on you too." I try, seeing my office just ahead.

"Hiro-san! I will not accept this!" He says blocking me against a wall, "Never once have I thought that. And neither have you!"

"It's been a year, Nowaki. People change." It sounds cold, even to me. But I wouldn't let myself get swept up by the same person who broke my heart.

"Hiro-san, please?" he says as I push past him. He chases me, yelling, "I will not accept this!"

"Shut up! I work here!" I say, breaking into a run. Before he can respond I'm already in the office. I lock myself in before sliding, against the door, to the floor.

"Hiro-san?" He says, standing right outside. "Do you… hate me?"

"Do us both a favor and go home. Or to America or France or where the hell you want."

"Tonight, 7 PM in front of Wendy's. I'll wait as long as it takes." He tells me, "Please, I just want to talk to you."

There's a brief conversation outside. Then footsteps, and Miyagi's annoying voice. "Hiroki! I got the condoms, sweet-honey-cakes!"

"Oh, not another stupid pet name," I say opening the door for him.

--

**And, this is where I leave you. Why you may ask? Well, I only have notes on the book up to this point and because I have my Romantica Spoof to plot. **

**By the way, this one will be nothing like my other spoofs. I'm going to use my own dialogue and scenes and totally F up everything. (I'm still trying to figure out how to make it more IC, though I doubt that will happen.)**


	6. What Not To Do In A Library

_I'm back! Hope you guys like this chapter._

--

What am I hoping for this badly? Why did I come an hour early? This is the last time! We'll talk and if I get pissed off I'll leave... That was the first time I heard Nowaki yell at me like that. It was surprising as usually he's such a pussy. But it made me happy. Of course, I know exactly what will happen:

1. I'll low my pride a little when I see him.

2. I'll vent my frustrations

3. He'll apologize.

4. Then we'll go back to my place and…

I just can't let him hate me.

A few heavy drops of rain fall on my head. I look up at the sky, thinking about all the symbolism behind rain. In many stories it's purifying. In others… It's just sad.

People on the streets began rushing. Most go into shops to take cover; others simply step under ledges to avoid it. I stay where I'm at. Not completely because I'm waiting for Nowaki. I just don't have anything to lose.

Where is he anyway? I check my phone's clock. It's about time he got here. I try calling him, but I get the voicemail. I sigh and flip my phone closed. He's probably coming…

--An hour later:

So this is his answer? I've never said this before but… but if I were the most important thing in his life, how happy could I be?

But it's not a big deal. This just means I wasn't the right person. Things happen. This was just one of those things. They happen to me a lot.

Still these overwhelming feelings are probably proof of my conceit. As I try to distance myself from you, I was the one who expected the most out of it. I'm so shameful, stupid and pathetic. Yet, I still love you.

It's not a big deal I should go back to the school and work. Then I'll go home, get myself good and drunk then I'll really go to work. Then the next day it'll be like nothing even happened. And I can go with my life as usual.

It's alright. I'm totally fine. I try to tell myself this and yet…

--Back at the school:

I open the door to the office. Miyagi jumps about a foot in the air.

"Whoa! You scared me, Hiroki!" he says laughing at himself.

"Huh? You're still here?" I really hadn't counted on seeing him here. In fact I'm also pretty ashamed that he's seeing me in this state.

"What happened, Hiroki? You look terrible? Hold on, let me get you a towel." He grabs a towel from his desk. Wonder how that got there… No, it's probably just another convenience of being in an anime. "Oh, this must be what they call a drowned rat! Ha-ha. I bet your underwear is socked through!"

"Fuck off, Miyagi," I reply.

"What's wrong? Get dumped?" he says laughing at his own stupid joke.

But I'm not laughing. "Stop teasing me," I growl. That's when the tears began falling. "Ah, I'm sorry. Geez, what am I doing?" I say, trying to laugh it off. He looks at me seriously before embracing me. "It's okay, really."

"Kamijou, you put this impenetrable defense around you, but you're unaware that in reality it's full of holes." He says, only holding me closer.

"Um, let go," I try pushing him away.

"No," He says, stepping back only to lean toward me. Holding me against the wall, he smiles before tilting my face toward his…

"STOP!" a familiar voice yells making both of us freeze.

"Hey look! It's my ex-boyfriend!" I say, staring at him shocked.

Nowaki doesn't look at me; instead he throws Miyagi against the wall he'd just trapped me against. He gets a few good punches in before I grab his arm. "Nowaki, stop it! You stupid idiot!" I say, holding it behind his back.

"Off with her head!" he shouts dramatically, his other hand gripping Miyagi's throat.

"His head, moron. Stupid kids and your bad grimmer." I really can't bad grimmer. It's the Lit teacher instead.

"How do you know he's a guy?! You've slept with him haven't you?" he lets Miyagi go and turns back to me.

"Are you alright?" I ask Miyagi, stepping past my annoying ex

Nowaki suddenly grabs my arm, forgetting all about Miyagi, and drags me out of the office.

"Hey, let go! What do you think you're doing?"

"Are you going out with that guy?" he asks, still dragging me down the hall.

"What? No! He's just my pimp!"

"I won't accept it!"

"Let go! That hurts!" I uselessly try to pull away from him.

"Everything was my fault. One my roommates from America showed up and I had to greet him at the airport. I went because I thought I'd have enough time to get back. But his plane was delayed. In the end, I made you get soaking wet. I'm soo sorry. I shouldn't have gone!"

"I don't care! It's over Nowaki! You left without telling me anything! And just when I think things are going to be okay again, you ditch me! I hate rain!!!"

"I did so tell you," he says very immaturely.

"Lying bastard," I curse.

"I told you, you just forget about it."

"Don't fuck with me!"

"Hiro-san…"

"Let go!" I yell as he pushes me ahead of him, into the library. I wonder how he knew where the library was, but then again this is anime after all.

Nowaki stand in my way of the door but he isn't holding me anymore.

"Move!" I yell, giving him my best evil-chainsaw murderer glare.

"No," he replies, smiling as if he's won.

"Fine, I know where the backdoor is!" I turn and run from him. He chases me as I knew he would. I'd counted on that, and I'd counted on him being faster than me. What I hadn't counted on was slipping and being tackled football style. "Get off!" I shout at him, "Don't you touch me!"

"Hiro-san…" he tries. But not even the cute pet name is going to cheer me up.

"I said get off!" I scream, grabbing the books closest to me and hurling them at him.

There's an awkward silence where we both just stare at each other. Nowaki looks hurt but…

"Do you even realize how I've felt this past year?" I cry.

"I'm sorry, but I can't help that you're a bad listener. I can't leave things as they are now…" There's another short pause before he starts, "In the past 6 years that I've known you, you've always needed someone to be there for you. For everything. I wasn't able to do that. I went to America to learn how to be a pimp. But obviously, I failed."

"What are you saying?" I thought I was the one doing the chasing but the truth was I was being chased. I thought that I had been abandoned…

"Since I met you… More than anyone, more than myself… You are the most important thing in my life."

But the truth was…

Another set of large books hit him over the head. "Do not fuck with me! This is not a joke, you bastard! My life's been turned upside down because of you. I don't want to be the most important THING to you! I want to be a person! If I hadn't met you, everything would be soo much easier… Why must I…"

He opens his mouth but not before I say, "I love you. I love you, dammit! You bastard!"

There's another silence. This is probably the first time I've said so easily. In the past, I'd held it back most of the time. Not because I was totally heartless, but because I didn't want to hurt him. I knew, it would hurt him more once he found out I was still working. But maybe if I'd said it more… Maybe we wouldn't be in this library now.

"I love you too, Hiro-san. So, make up sex?" he asks cheerfully.

_I can't do anything without him. Without Nowaki, I'd be nothing._

He tears my shirt open, for the second time since he got back. Only this time we're not in a whore house where anyone could be listening in. Then again, Miyagi is probably a few shelves away watching all of this.

My pants are pulled down and before I knew it, Nowaki's bent over, already licking at my dick. _Nasty,_ I thought but I had to admit it was nice to be on the receiving side end for once. Nowaki took me in his mouth, after a little more teasing. I couldn't help moaning in pleasure. Damn, I must be becoming addicted to sex.

"Nowaki," I said. I'd realized that I really liked being on the receiving end. I liked it too much. And if he didn't stop… "Nowaki, I'm gonna…"

The moron only sucked harder. I came into his mouth, and the nasty jerk swallowed it.

"You idiot! You do know that's the easiest way to get AIDs right? Not to mention, I'm a fucking hooker."

"I'm sorry, Hiro-san, but I can't hole back anymore,"

"Fine but if you get AIDs do not coming complaining to me!"

"I'll remember that," he said before stripping himself.

_Rather than succumbing to hatred, it's better yet to leave a scar. Much like a burn. That way you'll never be able to forget me. Go live merciless of strength to tear yourself away from me._

I feel EMO now.

_It rained all night. But for us, it didn't matter if it was rain, sweat or our tears. We were already soaked and disoriented. Without an umbrella to shield us, we walked slowly. Hand in hand. We exchanged a few pointless stories, chuckled, embraced and kissed._

--

"If you live by yourself why do you have so many damn boxes?" I did not like helping Nowaki move. It's not that I don't want to live with him, I'm just very sore and don't appreciate having to move boxes.

"Most of these are your books, Hiro-san. I don't wanna hear it,"

Yes, I was letting him move in with me. Even though it probably wasn't a good idea based on my life-style.

And somehow I remembered about him telling me.

"I'd go if I were you," I said without thinking, "Yes! That's now 500 yen I've made today!"

"Won't you be lonely?"

"Why would I be?" Still not playing attention to him.

So it was my entire fault. And isn't it so unlucky that I only just remembered? If I hadn't everything would have been soo much easier.

But why didn't he call me? I wondered going though some of his things as we unpacked.

"What's this?" I asked, holding up a creepy key shaped device. Actually, it sort of looked like some kind of sex toy. But it wasn't anything I was familiar with so it mustn't be too common.

"Nothing!" he yelled, taking it from me and stuffed it into another box. Nowaki's logic failed to see that I'd still end up unpacking it.

"Whatever, I'll just wait until you try using it on me," I rolled my eyes. He blushed before going back to whatever he'd originally been doing.

"What do you want me to do with your… purse thing?" I asked. It was pretty heavy so I figured it wasn't really a purse. But it was worth teasing, wasn't it?

"Can you just stick it in the closet?"

Ah, the closet. Where Nowaki belonged. I smiled at my little joke as I went into our shared bedroom.

As fate would have it, I tripped. "Damn feet, always tripping over flat surfaces…" I muttered to myself. "Wait! What the…" I'd dropped the purse when I fell and it'd spilled its contents onto the floor in front of me.

It had been filled with letters. Hundreds of them. Sent to _Hiro-san._

That idiot, I thought opening one. It read:

_Dear Hiro-san, I miss you. Very much. I miss the way you yell at me. I miss how ignore everything of importance that I say. I miss that cute face you make when I tease you about your butt being huge. _

_Anyway, today I read that every time you get hit on the head; six brain cells die. I can't count how many books you've hit me over the head with, but I don't think my brain is in very good shape. In fact I've worrying about whether or not I'm insane. _

_I must be because I still love you even though you're a brain cell murderer. _

_Love, Nowaki._

"What are you reading?" Nowaki asked, looking over my shoulder.

"You're writing is terrible." I said, showing him.

"Give those back!" he yelled, pulling it from my hand.

"They have my name on them!" I replied, stuffing the rest into the purse before he could take them too. _I'll guard the ugly bag with my life,_ I vowed. "Why did you never send them?!" I asked, suddenly realizing I should be angry with him.

"Because I read Harry Potter and was afraid the Death Eaters would read them!" God damn Harry Potter, I cursed in my head. "Please just give them back, so I can throw them away."

"No way! These are mine, bitch!" I said, dodging him as he lunged for the bag.

"Fine. Forgive me, but how 'bout I just read them to you?" He cleared his throat and picked up a letter I'd missed, "Dear, Hiro-san, roses are red. Violets are blue. Green is the color of grass. And I long to lick your…"

"What! Hell no! Give that back!"

Turns out whenever Nowaki got lonely he wrote me letters. And read Harry Potter. But before he mailed the letters he would stop himself and worry about Death-Eaters killing me.

"Look, I'm just going to throw these away now. Please give them back."

"Hell no! Get out! Get out! We don't need to live together! Just leave these and get out!" I said, trying to push him out the door.

"You're soo cruel," Nowaki told me.

--School:

"Isn't soo great to have a nice pimp like me? I'm just glad you're happier now, Hiroki. Even if I had to clean you know what up in the library." Miyagi was all happy about trip in couple of days.

"Ugh, I know. I have to do all of your work." I said, recognizing his gloat.

"That isn't what I mean. Just, good luck with it. But you know… He's going to be quite busy with college and work… He won't be home a lot of the time." He gave me a little wink.

"Are you trying to depress me or what?"

"I'm just saying, you're gonna see a lot more of me, than him."

"That isn't your business. Fuck off, lousy pimp from hell." I replied before banishing him from the office.

--

After finishing up my classes I walked back home. It would be the first day of Nowaki and I's life together. I know it's weird to think of it like this but; it was sort of like we'd gotten married or something. I half expected him to get on his knees and offer me a ring.

Not that I wanted him to or anything.

He got back from the hospital a half hour later. He knocked twice, like always. I opened the door for him and stepped back.

"Sorry to bother… I mean, I'm home."

"Ah… welcome back," I said. We both smiled at each other for a moment.

Maybe being Nowaki's _'little wife'_ wasn't going to be so bad after all.

--

**There you have it. Harry Potter is to blame for everything. And in the next chapter we shall meet Nowaki's co-workers. **

**Thanks for reading. And please review. **


	7. Home Depot Has Sucky Bathrooms

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted. My computer has a virus and I'm forced to use the library's computers.

Also I was just dumped. Badly. Over facebook. It's been bothering me and I think it's hurting my writing. I'm sorry if this totally sucks.

Anyhow, the first part of this is more my own BS. It's just something a friend and I came up in Home Depot. We were picking up something for my mom and ended up hanging around and making stupid jokes. (And is before that idiot left me for some stank.)

--

"Do I really have to come with you?" I asked as Nowaki tipped his foot impatiently.

"Come on, Hiro-san," he said, one hand keeping me from closing the door on him. Honestly I don't know why we both have to go into Home Depot together. Doesn't he realize how awkward this is? I mean, they'll know… They'll know we're living together and…

That's why we both had to go. We were living together now.

"Whatever," I said, his adorable expression was starting to get to me. I couldn't refuse Nowaki.

I followed him inside, careful to stand apart from him. No stared at us, no pitchforks were aimed at our heads, the sky didn't fall; people continued shopping. It was like nothing happened.

Whatever, I was still embarrassed. No sex for Nowaki tonight.

"Should we look at the lights first?" he asked.

"Sure," I muttered, still glancing around and waiting for the world to end.

We walked into the lighting aisle, a ton of different lights hanging above our heads. A bright neon orange light caught my eye. It wasn't because I liked it, but because the annoying thing kept shining into my eyes. Were they trying to blind me?

Nowaki was being a little too serious about everything. He was mainly looking at the lamps though. Although his eyes shot to the black lights more than once. Sadly, I knew he wouldn't ask for one of them. He'd want me to choose.

"So, which do you like?" I forced myself to ask.

He shrugged and smiled back at me. "What about you?"

I pointed at a hot pink ceiling fan/hanging light. "That," I said, smiling at his surprise.

"Really, Hiro-san?" he asked, thinking I was serious.

"No," I said, laughing. I grabbed one of the neon red light bulbs along with a black light that was actually purple. "Now what about that?" I quickly pointed at a random light, acting like it weren't a big deal. Nowaki only smiled and agreed with whatever I said the entire time. We read each other way too well, even though we had been apart for a year.

Of course, I didn't say anything when he offered to pay for everything. Since I'd mainly be paying the bills, it was somehow fair that he cover this. Plus it meant I could escape for a few minutes into the bathroom, and I wouldn't have to deal with any stares.

Ever notice how although Home Depot has thousands of things for home improvement, its bathrooms are pretty crappy? I mean, you'd think with all this stuff, they could at least get a descent floor design. Lowes on the other hand actually had nice restrooms, I discovered an hour later. They really knew what they were doing.

--

"Nowaki, I'm cold," I hinted, sitting down on the bed.

"Yeah, it's a pretty chilly night," he said, completely oblivious.

"I'm cold," I try again, faking a little shiver. All I need is for him to attempt to cuddle me, then I can pretend it was all his fault.

"Then why don't you put on something a little less revealing?"

In all honesty, he was right. After all, I was wearing a thong. But you'd think he'd get the hint!

--

"You bastard! Why didn't you wake me up?!"

"I did. Like twenty times." Nowaki answered, flipping a pancake.

My stomach growled but I knew I didn't have time.

"Should I make this to-go?"

"Nah, I'll get grab something at Starbucks." I said pulling my shoes on. I was about to open the door when Nowaki stopped me. He gave me a quick kiss before I could stop him. Jerk.

"See ya, Hiro-san." He called as I slammed the door behind me.

I walked to school listening to my iPod Shuffle. I passed my old apartment, the one I'd lived in when Nowaki and I had met. I smiled and thought about how far we'd come since then.

It was all very distracting and I didn't realize notice I'd forgotten my purse until I got to Starbucks. Luckily I found a few yen in my pocket and was able to get my large mocha frappe.

It was too late for me to walk back home. But I left all of the graded test papers in my purse. I'd have to call Nowaki… On his day off.

I jogged the rest of the way to campus. I'd need to run off my frappe after all. And since I was so good at multitasking that I could drink, lose weight and carry on a conversation at once; I called Nowaki.

"Hey, you're awake right?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, you work at night and most people with night shifts sleep during the day."

"You're thinking of vampires, Hiro-san,"

"No, I'm not. And when you think about it, the nights we're together you're always off. Isn't that so… You know what, anime is just too convenient."

"It is. Now, what were you going to ask me?"

"Oh, well I left my purse at home. Could you bring it to the school?"

"Hiro-san, are you PMSing again?"

"Shut up and bring me my purse dammit!"

--

After many rude remarks from Miyagi about my eyebrows, I finally got a call from the office telling me I had a 'visitor.'

"Thanks, Nowaki! I really need this!" I said, coming out to meet him by the front gate.

"Wait! Is there drugs in this?"

"No, I just really need the papers. Now hand over my purse!" I said, pulling it from his hands.

"What's this?" Miyagi asked, strolling toward the gate, "Is Hiroki flirting? No way,"

"Shut up! And don't call me by my first name!"

"You know, you've never yelled at me for that before." Miyagi protested.

"Well, it's suddenly become important to the storyline." Would they ever learn to just play along? "You know, the papers they give you with all the words? Those are scripts, you're supposed to read those."

Miyagi and Nowaki looked at each other as if I were crazy.

Then Miyagi shrugged, deciding it was more fun to annoy me. "Hiroki, Hiroki, Hiroki," he started before I whacked him over the head. "Ow,"

"Oh, go jump off a bridge, will you?" I turned to Nowaki, "Don't mind him. Miyagi's only purpose is to annoy me and sleep with the Dean's children."

"So cruel,"

"Hey, Hiro-san, can I call you Hiroki?" Nowaki suddenly asked.

"NO!" I shouted, "Now, I've got to get to class. Any more stupid questions before I go?"

"No, Sir!" Both Nowaki and Miyagi said at once.

--

By the time I got home, Nowaki had already left for work. I'd never admit it, but I really hated when he was gone. Nowaki was the only person who kept me sane.

Although he was just as insane as everyone else.

And then it was suddenly morning again, because there was nothing in the script about what it was like when I was home alone. I guess I was asleep or something. Actually this whole act was Nowaki's point of view, but I'm sort of the main character in this so… Yeah, not much happening…

--Morning, again:

I woke up early, even though it was apparently my day off now. Nowaki should be getting done with work soon. I got dressed and rushed out to meet him.

It was rare for me to do all this. But when Nowaki left me for a year I really started thinking about things. I don't want to lose Nowaki again. He's just too important to let go of.

**Hiroki:** Hey, you want to meet for breakfast?

His reply was almost immediate.

**Nowaki:** sur. Meet u outsid Kngs???

**Translation:** Sure. Meet you outside Kings?

I hate text language.

Anyhow, I went out to meet him.

"How was work?" I asked.

"Fine." He said shrugging, "It's really not like you to come all the way out here. What do you want?"

"Why would you assume I wanted something?" I faked being hurt by this. "Really I just wanted to get out for awhile."

"Okay. So…"

"HIROKI!" someone yelled.

Turning I saw Usami Akihiko. "Shit," I muttered.

"That's my line! Your mother just sent me a couple of nudie pictures of her on an ice-cream truck. I think I'm scarred for life."

"She did what?!" Okay, this is probably somehow my fault for never visiting my parents in the nursing home.

"Yeah, well I knew I shouldn't have gone to see her the same day as the girl scouts." Usami muttered.

"Maybe I should talk to her… It's just been so long, I wouldn't know what to say."

"Dude, not a good idea. Neither of your parents even remember you now. It's not even funny."

"WE ARE PREFECTLY FINE, THANKS!" Nowaki said, grabbing my hand and starting to pull me away.

"Hey! What is with you and pulling me away from guys?" I ask as I'm dragged away. I should just learn to accept that Nowaki will always find a reason to drag me somewhere.

"Forget about him! Whatever you need, I'll do it."

"Grow up, Nowaki. You've been saying this type of thing for like, 4 books now." I hold up my purse threateningly.

"I'm sorry, please forgive me!"

"Nowaki, you suck." I began walking away. Nowaki followed me slowly.

Once we got home I ditched him to take a shower. It probably won't matter in the long run, because since we're both home... I'll have to shower later anyhow.

Anyway, I'll save you from the boring details of me in the shower and cut straight to what happens afterward. Plus, I still need a little dignity.

"You've been acting strange," I sat, dropping into the seat beside him.

"Sorry. There's nothing wrong," he keeps his head down as he talks. He knows if he meets my eyes I'll know he's lying.

I caress his cheek, like the good little temptress I am, and force him to look at me. "Look at me when you talk," I say, half innocent half serious.

A second later, Nowaki has me pinned under him.

"Nowaki, if you're in the mood at least wait until I'm done bitching at you."

"Hiroki." He says defiantly.

"What?"

"Hiroki."

"Shut it,"

"Hiroki."

"$^#%#^&^"

"Hiroki," he continues saying, even after the crazy censored out comment. I think Nowaki must be broken.

"Stop it,"

"Why? It's okay for Akihiko to say your full name. Why can't I?"

"Don't tell me you… That was six years ago! Forget it."

"Please, Hiro-san, tell me why! I promise, whatever it is, I'll fix it! I swear I will!" He says in that all too familiar tone.

And because old habits die hurt, I must hit him over the head with something. And the closest thing was a pillow.

"Look, Akihiko isn't the only one who calls me by my first name. So did my parents before they forgot who I was." I let out a little groan, "Please tell me this isn't about you catching up to me again. Can we please forget about you catching up or whatever? You don't need to catch up. You have a hold on me. Blah, blah, blah. Besides, that plot line is getting old. Let's replace it with something more realistic."

"Like what, Hiro-san?" If I ever decide to sale Nowaki on the black market, I will be sure to write: **_Is willing to please_**; in bold letters.

"I don't know. An eating disorder or something?"

"Okay,"

**Re-do Scene:**

"Please, Hiro-san, tell me why! I promise, whatever it is, I'll fix it! I swear I will!" He says in that all too familiar tone.

"Just tell me what's wrong? Talk to me, Nowaki." I say, like a good comforting boyfriend.

"I… I'm just dead scared of letting you get too close to me. I don't want you to know the real reason we're in debt. It's… it's because I spend all our money on food so I can 'binge eat.'"

"Oh my gosh! But, you're fine!"

"No, I'm not! I have a crappy character design! Even Akihiko thinks so."

"Usami is an idiot. He wouldn't know sexy if it bit his…"

"So, you don't hate me now?"

"Of course not. Now, let's have a heavily censored moment and end this horrible chapter."

"Whatever you wish, Hiro-san."

**--((This has been deemed too smexi for you're reading enjoyment so it has been majorly censored. Plus the writer of this fanfiction just broke up with her boyfriend and doesn't what to think about this stuff too much. Please understand.)):**

Hiroki…

…Nowaki…. …

…

As they burned a picture of Gaven, the writer's personal Ryu-chan…. (Okay, not as bad. But you get the idea.)

…

--

"You bastard! Why didn't you wake me up?!"

"I did. Like twenty times." Nowaki answered, flipping a pancake.

My stomach growled but I knew I didn't have time.

"Should I make this to-go?"

"Nah, I'll get grab something at Starbucks." I said pulling my shoes on. I was about to open the door when Nowaki stopped me. He tilted my face up to his.

I opened my eyes a few seconds later, surprised that he wasn't kissing me.

"Idiot," I mutter before turning to leave.

Then, I turn back. "Oh, by the way I'm gonna get my student Misaki to help us with your Bulimia Nervosa. His cooking is just that good. Plus he owes me one." *

"I love you, Hiro-san. Let's do kinky stuff later!"

I back hand him across the face, "IT IS TOO EARLY IN THE DAY FOR YOU, OR ANYONE ELSE, TO BE SAYING THIS STUFF!"

"Ow!" he says, seating back, "So you beat me and then wonder why I have an eating disorder!"

"Don't blame me, I'm not the writer." I say, slamming the door in his face.

--

**First of all, Bulimia is not something to joke about. I know, it's not cool. But I was running low on ideas, as a bunch of my brain is trying to think of ways to get revenge on my ex-boyfriend.**

**Second, I was just dumped over facebook. I think it's hurting my writing and I'm sorry if this totally sucks. I'm just not myself right now.** **(Ugh, writing is supposed to be my outlet! Lol.)**

*** is because this hasn't yet happened in the Romantica Spoof. It's actually at the very end. Lol.**


	8. Delta New

I know it's been awhile, but things have been stressful lately. But I can't let it affect my writing anymore.

And thank goodness testing is over!!

_I saw something I shouldn't have. *_

"Ah, Hiro-san, you're back." Nowaki said sitting up. He was wearing only a pair of black boxers; the guy beside him wasn't wearing a thing.

I dropped the book I was holding. It hit the floor with a tiny thump, waking the blonde.

He blinked before sitting up. "Good morning," he said rubbing his head, "Sorry to bother you. Hey, Nowaki, get me some water, 'Kay?"

"Sure" Nowaki said before turning back to me, "Hiro-san, sorry. This is my senior from the hospital. Last night we went drinking but he missed the last subway train and had to spend the night."

He quickly filled a glass with water and brought it back to him. "Senpai, you better put some cloths on or you'll get a cold."

"You too," the guy muttered, taking a sip.

I guess that's when Nowaki realized I wasn't bitching at him for once. "Hiro-san, you look kinda funny… This isn't what you think."

I wanted to believe nothing had happened, but I'd been in the same situation a few times myself.

The blonde, naked dude on my floor sat up and turned our TV on. Making him at home? Ironically, that's when the reporter lady choice to tell everyone about a celebrity who'd been caught 'eating outside.'*

"Hiro-san?" Nowaki asked, watching me carefully.

Last night I was forced into go drinking with Miyagi, my pimp. But this morning was my turn to make breakfast so I hurried home. And I'd come home to this!

"Hiro-san, it's really not what you think." He told me again.  
"He's your senior. It's not my business." I tried, not sure what else to say. Seriously, what could I say?

"Hiro-san!" he yelled, as if insulted. But honestly, neither of them is dressed. And I wasn't home last night. I'd be a moron if I thought nothing happened.

"Hey, Nowaki's bitch! I'm hungry, get in the kitchen and make me some pancakes!" Mr. Naked Blonde Dude says, finally picking himself off the floor.

"Hey, no one talks to Hiro-san that way!"

"Oh, calm down."

"Who the hell are you anyway?" I ask, annoyed. Mostly because I have nothing better to call him except Naked Blonde Dude, and it's getting creepy.

"I'm Tsumori, and according to Nowaki, you're a pretty sweet r…"

"Ah, that's enough. Shouldn't you be getting to work?" Nowaki says, trying to change the subject.

"Wait, what has Nowaki been saying about me exactly?" I ask, putting my hands on my hips.

"Nowaki told me his 'soul mate' here was adorable. So I thought it'd be one of those little American girls with huge bre…"

"Senpai!"

"Well, I didn't think it'd be just the opposite. Not that I have a problem with gay people. I've been to California and it's amazing how comfortable everyone is with it." Then the bitch grabbed my Nowaki and sang, "Don't worry! After stepping out of this house… er apartment thingy, Nowaki shall be under my care." As if that were supposed to make me feel better.

"_I'm your biggest fan, I'll follow you until you love me. Papa-paparazzi."_ "Sorry, my stupid phone." Tsumori said digging through a purse on our coffee table_. "Baby, you know there's no other superstar, you know that I'll be your paparazzi." *_

He listened for a few minutes before holding it to his shoulder and telling Nowaki, "Hey, N, there's an emergency at the hospital. You know those sponges that went missing? The ones we joked and said the nurses were taking home to use in their baths? Well, they've been found. Inside one of the prostates we checked last month. And the guy is threatening to sue. We're both needed there at once."

"Shit, let's go!" Nowaki grabbed his coat and they both left, Tsumori still naked.

The door slammed closed. _I got this feeling…_ Suddenly the door opened again.

"Hey, Nowaki's bitch! Can you fetch me the watch on the table?"  
"How dare you interrupt my Emo monologue!" I shout at him. I angrily pick up his watch and take it to him.  
"Oh, one more thing I wanted to tell you, Nowaki's planning on moving out." Tsumori said with a half smile. Then suddenly, "Wow, I'm such a big mouth! I better go before I start babbling about how horrible Junjou Romantica, the anime based on Usami-Sensei's BL books, season 2 sucked! Have a nice day!" Then he pranced off.  
Nowaki never lies. And normally if I caught him naked with another guy, I'd believe him when he said nothing happened. But 'recent' Nowaki isn't the same as 'normal' Nowaki.  
These days he spends every minute working. I guess I don't have room to talk. My work life also interferes with my home life. You might say, we live together on the surface yet only meet once and awhile.  
We've been together for seven years. But how we treat each other in words, it's just like empty air.  
Next month's rent is coming up. Is he going to take this chance to stay somewhere else? Is it that he's tired of supporting me? Does this mean…  
WAIT! Stop thinking this way! I need to think this through logically.  
He stops irritating me all the time + I don't know what's bothering him + He doesn't tell me anything + He tells his senior everything apparently + Sleeps nude with his senior = He's tired of me. …  
No way, that can be right.  
--

"Sorry I'm late." Nowaki says, and stops in the doorway. "Wow."  
""Sorry, I was looking for one of my books and ended up having to dig through all of them. Plus, I wanted to cheer myself up." I said honestly.  
"Have you eaten?" he asks.  
"Yes, and I know you have too. So don't even think about bingeing."  
"I'm sorry I left early. Just, we lose a lot of money in these court cases involving sponges. And I'm sorry if he said anything weird."  
"You told him we live together, didn't you?"  
"Yeah? Is that a problem?"  
"Well, you know, you can't just trust everyone." I say, shrugging it off.  
"Hiro-san, I did NOT do THAT with Tsumori."  
"It's okay, I mean it's none of my business." I'm still not sure how to address this problem.  
"Hiro-san!" Again with the insulted voice. But he was the one who brought it up.  
"Look, do whoever you want. It's not my business. If you want to move out, just move out!" It all just sort of rushed out of my mouth.  
"Why do you know all this? Have you hired a private investigator?" Nowaki shrugs, "That's kind of sexy."  
"No it isn't."  
He smiles knowingly at me.  
"I mean, no I didn't."  
"Hiro-san… that thing…"  
"It's okay if you do. I mean, living near the hospital would be very convenient, right?"

_I have a feeling the fire is getting bigger. _

"I'm only unhappy you didn't say anything to me about it." Wait a minute? Is this the old storyline again? "Are you still worrying about catching up to me? That's so stupid."  
"It's not stupid." He says.  
Well, I just have to do the same old speech: "First of all, you can't even be doctor yet. You're still interning. And don't think so highly of yourself. You're still young…"  
"I have my own thoughts and feelings! You don't always know how to interpret me!"  
Okay, that really wasn't what I expected. "Huh?"

"Never mind, okay? I have to do the night shift, I'll see you in the morning."

Nowaki stood up to me?!

I mean, sure he's declined me before but he's never seriously opposed me.  
What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? *  
I need to calm down. I should just take a bath or something.

I'm at wits end. Have I done something bad recently? I don't remember… Of course, if it were unconsciously, I wouldn't remember…

Ugh, must think clearly. Diagram 2:

He might be cheating on me.

He isn't talking to me.

He rebutted me

He plans to move out.

With all of this, anyone would suspect…

He wants to break up.

Truth is, I'm really hurt by this. Though we haven't made any promises to each other up until now I've just assumed he'd always love me.

A teardrop works its way down my cheek.

This is terrible. What am I doing? Nowaki must have a reason for it. If it's my fault, I should just apologize. But if he's sick of me… I have no idea what to do.

What do I say when he comes back? How can I face him?

Ugh, what's a 29- year old like me doing like this? I'm so pathetic. The past me would have gotten through with a simple "to hell with this!" How could I become so weak? *

My phone rings. "Hey, Kamijou, sorry to bother you but I need that book you borrowed from me for my next lecture. Are you busy?" Miyagi says.

"No, I can bring it."

I walk quickly to work, thinking, 'I could use this as a distraction.'

"Hey, Miyagi, I brought the book…" I say opening the door.

Okay, I'll be the first person to admit Miyagi is a horrible pervert. But I never thought I'd walk in on him and another guy. And a teenage guy, probably still in High School was just out of the question.

But then, my eyes haven't lied to me before.

"You have it all wrong! I swear it's not how it looks." He begins saying quickly.

"That is the second time I've been told that today, and know what? I'm sick of this manga. Why couldn't I be in Death Note or something less lame?!"

"You wouldn't last five minutes in there." The teen says rushing out.

"Kamijou! You have to believe me, nothing happened. We were just arguing… and, honestly, I wouldn't risk something like that at work." Miyagi tries to explain.

"Who you pimp out is NOT my concern. But isn't he a minor? You could get in some trouble…"

"I'm not his pimp! He has enough money… he's the deans son."

"Um… Awkward much?"

"I understand, don't continue!"

"Just don't get me caught up in it."

"It's no big deal, honestly. I'm just conning him…" he says taking the book I hand him.

"I'm so sorry you had to see that. Let me take you out…"

"No way, I'm just going to the second bookstore. I got my paycheck the other day and I gotta pay up." I say already on my way out.

I know letting my emotions get to me would do no good.

_Staying together just because we are used to being together would lead to nowhere._

But I can't stop him from what he wants either. And I don't deserve him. What am I? A poor hooker in need of a haircut? That's all. Nowaki doesn't need to deal with this. He doesn't have to pay my debt. Actually, I've been doing most of it anyway which is probably the problem.

I've cheated on him. Is this karma?

But, there's a difference. I love Nowaki. I only do it for money…

I'm horrible.

If I said to him that I did not want to break up, would Nowaki smile and say he had the same intention too?

I stop at the apartment first, to grab the check I'd already written out. Of course as soon as I open the door we begin to get a fax. And because this is an anime, I know it's important for me to see the fax now. So, I walk over and glance at it.

It's plans for an apartment.

The writer must hate me.

Then my phone ring even more conveniently.

"Hey, Hiro-san! I have to stay at the hospital today too. Can you bring me the over-night bag?" Nowaki says almost excitedly.

"Yeah, the black Boston bag, right?"

"How do you know what kind of purse it is?"

"I just do."

"Well, anyway I'm coming up for it then."

"I can bring it for you." I offer.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm not busy, it's okay."

"Thank you so much, Hiro-san. Just tell the nice lady at the desk you need me and I'll be right down."

"I need to see Kusama-sensei. He's an intern." I say to the secretary.

"Take a number…" she mutters, snapping her gum.

"… I'm not sick. I just have to bring him something." I hold up the purse a little as proof.

"That's a nice purse. Where'd you get it?"

"Oh, actually it's Nowaki's. It's a Boston."

"I love those!" Then suddenly, tilting her head said, "Oh my god, are you a Delta New?"

"Yeah, well I was. Now, I'm a grad student and I don't have time for Sorority Life * anymore."

"You had the best high kick record on all of Facebook! And even got the _Limited Addition Pink Heels _for free! How could you give that up?" she asks.

"I just don't have time. But hey, you're in Delta New, right? I can gift them to you…"

"Oh my gosh, I'm getting heels from 'Kamijou the fabulous!' None of my friends will believe this." She grabbed phone and quickly got onto Facebook. A moment later she smiled and put it down. "I'm forever in your debt."

"Just tell me Kusama-Sensei is and we can call it even,"

"Pediatrics, 3rd floor." She said, breathlessly.

"Thanks," I call over my shoulder and head for the elevator.

--(Sparing you details of elevator ride.)

"Piggyback rides!" a little kid squeals as I peek into the room.

"Okay, okay," Nowaki said, picking him up.

"You guys are soo mean! Nowaki is mine." Tsumori, still nude although censored this time for children, said hugging Nowaki. He winked at me over his shoulder.

"No, Nowaki is mine, Bitch!" I say whacking him with the nearest object. Nowaki's purse.

All of the children who'd once been playing in the room began crying loudly. Nowaki was actually smiling at me. Sadistic much? *

"O.M.G! Kamijou the fabulous whacked Tsumori upside the head! My friends won't believe this." The secretary said, somehow appearing in the doorway.

I run past her, and down the stairs. Nowaki chases after me.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking! I promise I'll turn myself in." I sob to Nowaki, many blocks away when he finally catches me.

"No, I…"

"It's all over! I've finally cracked, that's why I've been so emo lately."

"It's only a scratch!"

"No need to console me! It's over. That whole year in the whore-house really got to me, but I never thought…Oh, Nowaki, please don't let them put me in the Psych-Ward."

"Hiro-san, you're soo dramatic. Have you ever considered acting?"

"What? You're acting almost normal. Don't do that to me! I found this!" I say holding up the paper I'd gotten from the fax.

"This place looks nice." He says innocently. "Hiro-san, let's move in there."

"What?" I think my heart stopped for a moment.

"I can take care of the arrangements. I have enough money."

"What?" It's skipped another beat.

"I was planning to tell you after it all got settled, but stupid Tsumori just had to ruin my plans."

"You weren't going to leave me?"

"What are you talking about?" It's his turn to be surprised.

"You aren't breaking up with me?"

"Ugh, you still think something happened between me and Senpai? You see, we were drinking. And so he missed his train. So I said he could spend the night. And when we got there, we both blacked out. We don't know what happened, but we both had the same dream about aliens…"

"Oh my god, you were probed!" I exclaim.

"Don't worry, the only one I want in my arms is you Hiro-san."

"Idiot! What is this all about? The house we live in is fine."

"But if it isn't under my name, it's meaningless!"

"Huh?" Why does everything with Nowaki have to be strangely meaningful?

"I guess you don't remember. Again. Well, we were talking and you were writing," Nowaki still mustn't understand not to talk while I'm writing "and you were telling me about your pimp and Usami-sensei. About once they set their sights on a goal, they always reached it. About how you looked up to them for it."

"I said that?" Not that it's totally untrue; I just can't believe I admitted it.

"The thing about surpassing you, the old storyline, I know you told me to give it up. But I can't. I'm insanely jealous of those other guys. I want to become someone who can fully support and provide for you."

"Are you asking me to marry you or something?"

"Do you want me too?" he asks excitedly.

"No." I growl, curtly.

"_My whole world revolves only around Hiro-san, always and forever." _He says, assuring me.

_A world revolving only around me… Is this guy an idiot?_

"Please move in with me, Hiro-san."

I'm really, truly in love with this guy.

"Yeah, ok."

"Actually, all I want is for Hiro-san to love me more."

He backs me against a tree and kisses me/

"Idiot! We're in public!" I push him away, blushing.

"Then, let's go home and do kinky stuff."

"Why do I think you've said this to me before?"

"Oh, I'm sure I have."

We walk back toward our apartment. I feel much more sure of myself now, of course there's still one thing stuck in my mind.

"Hey, why doesn't Tsumori ever wear clothes? Isn't that illegal?"

"He lives in a Nudist Community," Nowaki answers, "But yeah, I think it is illegal to run around like that. Hence the censor."

We continued in silence, though it wasn't awkward or uncomfortable. It was sort of nice…

Until Nowaki stopped me to ask, "Hey, Hiro-san, what if I did ask?"

"Ask what?"

"Ask you to marry me?"

I laughed. I couldn't help it, it was just too funny.

"I'm serious."

"I'll think about it." I say, still laughing.

So, you like my twilight ending? ((I don't really like Twilight but the guys took me to see New Moon with them because they needed a token girl. Lol)) … Well, I may have to leave it to you guys. Shall we marry them in this spoof? ((Even though it's not legalized in Japan… I'll make it work.))

*'s:

The Italic & centered words are quotes from the book. I don't know why, but I felt like adding a lot in this chapter.

"Eating outside" means "Cheating outside the relationship." Although we all know taking food outside and eating is a huge crime. Lol

Paparazzi by Lady Gaga. (Lady she-man.) It just seemed like it should be Tsumori's ringtone.

Yes, all those "what do I do"s were in the book.

Eh, anyone else think he's thinking too much of himself? Wasn't he this emo about Akihiko too? But, hey, if this is how Hiroki chooses to remember it…

I don't actually play Sorority Life or any other apps on Facebook. (Although I do have a couple apps on myspace.) So I'm sure about "gifting" in this one. I know in others they do stuff like that.

Yes Nowaki was smiling Sadistically as all those poor kids cried. He should not work with children. Lol.


	9. Nerds Are So Hot

_Right now, I'm going on one of the episodes, a conversation between Hiroki and Miyagi in a terrorist chapter and my warped imagine. This may very well be the next to last chapter unless something happens in the manga soon. ((Hopefully she brings them back in book 13 as more than just a bonus/mini chapter.))_

"Hiroki, you look terrible." Miyagi commented.

"Oh, it's nothing."

"It is not nothing! Now, sit you're skinny-white-ass down and tell me what's bothering you." Miyagi ordered. Since he was my pimp, I had to obey. Though, honestly, I wasn't in the mood for anymore of Miyagi's shit this week. I'd already walked in and him and the dean's son twice, and it wasn't helping my esteem in the least.

"It's nothing." I said, quickly, not meeting his eyes.

"Oh really? Is it something that happened to your '_friend_' again?" he asked, winking.

I smiled, and said, "Yeah, I have this friend, you know. And he has this problem…"

"I see, go on."

"Well, he's in this crazy relationship with another guy and you know, the other day N- er, his boyfriend said something but talking to his parents. And he said to them, that he wanted permission to… you know, get married."

Miyagi blinked in surprise.

"He didn't! He was joking but, it just freaked out my friend you know? And now he's thinking, if the boyfriend were to ask, he'd be totally against it. And he's just worried, you know… Is it just the beliefs of society pushed on him, or is he just too weak to admit he's ashamed?"

Miyagi sighed, "You know, I can actually to relate to your friend."

Wait, Miyagi was having that type of problem… As in, he was serious about the dean's son? But he claimed he was only conning him…

I couldn't help but laugh at him.

"I'm joking! This isn't funny."

"Hey, let go!" I said, as Miyagi grabbed at me, I still couldn't control my laughing though; "Seriously, let go! I suddenly have this great urge to work!"

"Hey, I thought we were going to help your friend!"

"Don't worry about it, I have a feeling he doesn't need _your_ help." I said, bumping into one of the bookshelves. It crashed, as it always does, onto us. And (conveniently) Miyagi ended up on top of me just as the door opened. And it was the blonde-haired wonder, the dean's son. Go figure.

Miyagi jumped up, yelling, "It's not what it looks like!"

"Oh, where have I heard that one before?" I said, rolling my eyes and beginning to pick up the spelt books.

They spoke in quick, hushed tones before blonde left in an annoying little huff. Miyagi turned back to me, looking irritated.

"First couple-fight?" I asked, giving him a knowing smile.

"This Is All Your Fault!" he growled, "You owe me! You'll pay with your body!"

"I refuse!"

**-Back home:**

As usual, the apartment was cold and kind of lonely. On the table was Nowaki's notebook, as usual it was flipped open to his latest doddle. Normally, they were inoperative but this time was surprise to see I was clothed in 2/3 little comics.

But sadly, that didn't mean they were any better than the others. In the first box, I was frolicking though a meadow, singing, "Chase me, Nowaki!" Okay, what the hell! The next was even more out of character. I was in only a towel, begging Nowaki to skip work to wash my hair. Um… Well, I do like having my head massaged but honestly, I need his paycheck so the odds of me telling him to skip work are zero to nothing. The third, and worst, was me in a dress. I REFUSE to wear kinky outfits. Strippers wear kinky outfits, I'm not a stripper…

But then… I could be. After all, it wasn't illegal and I did have field experience…

And that was how I ended up unpacking the black lights we'd bought a few chapter's back (The ones you probably forgot about or decided were just useless filler. But hey, don't black lights always come in handy?) and cutting up some of my jeans into short shorts. Then I turned up the music, and began singing along to 'Sexi Back,' because it was secret theme song.

When Nowaki got home a few hours later, he found me attempting to pole dance with a coat rack. He raised an eyebrow but didn't question me; probably figuring I'd drank too much rum. Again.

"How was work?" I asked, at least hoping to sound sober.

"Okay," he mutter, rummaging through the fridge.

"You better not start bingeing!"

"I'm not, I'm not." He said, somewhat bored and annoyed. I guess the storyline just wasn't working out. So, being an evil temptress, I slinked over to the fridge and draped myself over the door.

"You know, I don't have classes tomorrow or the next day. Why don't you take of work… We could, go on vacation."

He shrugged, "Maybe."

_Fine, act uninterested. I'll get out my handcuffs and we'll see your true colors…_

I was just heading toward our bedroom when Nowaki asked, "Hey? About yesterday… You weren't totally weirded out about the marriage thing, right? I was just kidding."

"I know you were," I said, not admitting that I was freaked out. But it was only by my own weird reaction to it. 'Wearing a ring while turning tricks? No. It'd feel too weird.' A little voice in my head whispered.

"But, you know, would it be so bad?"

I sighed and turned to face him, "Nowaki, that's impossible. Japan doesn't recognize Homosexual relationships."

He nodded sadly, before grabbing himself an extra cookie. I tried to hide my excitement that he was actually bingeing, and reminded myself it wasn't a good thing. But hey, I'm always happy to see my story-line changes work out.

"Hey, I know what's going on in that little head of yours," I said, grinning, "You're probably imagining me in a kinky little wedding dress inside some overly-decorated American church, with my good friend Usami Akihiko there to read the sermon."

He blinked, "I wasn't thinking that at all!"

"Don't lie, Nowaki. You're a horny pervert. I've seen your drawings."

"No, I meant I was hoping for Tsumori to read them. He is a nudist community priest."

"Whatever, you're still imagining the dress and the church though."

"Maybe,"

**-Random Scene/time Change:**

I don't know if I ever mentioned how annoyingly protective Nowaki is. But he is. He's horrible.

Anyway, we just happened to be walking through the park on our way to one of the restaurants we usually ate at. It was taking awhile too, mostly because my butt hurt majorly. But hey, that was normal for me. And by now, Nowaki was used to be bitched at.

I was just about to say 'this is so your fault' for the fifth time when a voice suddenly called my name.

"Oy! Hiroki!"

It was Usami Akihiko. I should have known he'd never give me a break. This was an anime after all, and the 'main characters' usually got free range.

"Ugh, not you again." Nowaki growled.

"Oh, chill out. I'm dating one of his students." * Akihiko said simply. After getting the expected weird looks, he smiled and said, "It's for research, I have a new book coming out. This one has a chapter about how the machines have an interesting fan-girl function. I'm not sure yet, but judging by Misaki's unnatural feelings for me I think I'm really onto something. In fact, it would also explain your weird desire a few years to fu-"

"Stop right there," Nowaki suddenly challenged. He must have noticed my drooling. But hey, who isn't turned on by Akihiko's machine talk? It's sexy. That's why so many people watch the terminator movies, besides the fact that a couple incredibly hot actors were in the latest one. "I'm sick of you messing with my Hiro-san!"

Usami raised an eyebrow, "And what exactly are you going to do about it?"

"I change you to a duel."

"That's just stupid."

"Intergalactic Showdown?"

"Even worse," Usami growled, probably thinking of his brother.

"Pokémon battle?"

"Now that's more like it!"

They both whipped out their DS's and suddenly began acting like even bigger dorks.

Worst part: They actually said, "_ I chose you!" In the middle of the freaking park!

"Hey, no-fair! Your's are all level one hundred! You used a cheat!"

"Well, actually no. The company gave me this game where all of them are level one hundred, you can catch with one throw and on the first try plus money's unlimited. You see, money really can buy anything."

Nowaki's mouth dropped. Then he seemed to pull himself together and said, "Mine all either one hundred or ninety-nine. I trained all of them myself. And money can't buy you skill."

Usami laughed and suddenly called, "Dialga, ancient-power!"

For awhile they continued this dorky-little-match. Until Nowaki used 'thief' and gasped loudly. "Your ponyta is equipped with a Smart Car!"

"Told you, money can buy anything."

"Purugly, switch with Lucario."

"Absol, use **stanky-leg**!"

"Mightyena, use Epic-Rage!"

"Absol, switch with CullenFairy."

"Epic-Rage is building."

"Cullenfairy, use body-glitter!"

"Mightyena uses rape."

"WHAT!"

There was a tiny scream from the screen.

Akihiko suddenly looked up, "All of my Pokémon saw that and had a heart-attack. If I'd knewn that's what Epic-Rage did…"

"It doesn't always. If you would've kept Absol, the others would have seen and gotten… You know, excited. Then they'd all have major-rough-biting-smex and die of heart-attacks that way."

"Nowaki, you were right. Money can't buy everything… You are the better trainer." He saluted Nowaki.

"Oh! Hey, I got to keep the Smart Car… Too bad I can't get one that easy in real life…"

"You want a Smart Car?"

Nowaki shrugged, "Who doesn't like cars?"

I didn't bother mentioning I personally didn't care for them. They were having a cute dork-moment. I could always bitch at Nowaki later, when he wasn't having cute moments with my Usami.

"You can have mine. I like the sports car better anyway."

**-A few awkward moments later:**

"I totally cheated him!" Nowaki grinned as we pulled out of Akihiko's driveway. "Can you believe he just gave this away."

"Yes," I answered as we slowly drove away.

"Well, you know what this means! We can get married now."

"What?"

"Well, Smart Cars run on water, right? And California, right across the ocean, allows gay marriage. So instead of buying plane tickets, why don't we just cross the ocean in the car? Plenty of water there."

For a few moments, I was stunned by this stupid conclusion. Seriously, what kind of idiot says that? He didn't even propose yet he thinks he can just decide whether or not we get married? I don't think so!

**So, what do you think? California or no? The next chapter may be the last.  
So, should they get married or not? Cause I really don't have much left in the manga to spoof right now.  
So far, only one person for them getting married. :)**


	10. Sin City

Well, this did take a lot more thought than I thought it would… Hiroki and Nowaki hum… So, honeymoon in Las Vegas?

-/-

I'd been waiting for this moment all my life. Or at least the five years I'd been dating Nowaki. I knew one day he'd get the stupid idea. I was expecting it.

And I was ready to tell him no way in hell I'd get married to him, then to have really great make-up sex.

But I hadn't counted on Akihiko getting involved. Or Miyagi. By the way, it's good both of them have cute little Ukes because otherwise the thought of them working together in this would have emotionally scarred me. For life. And I've seen some freaky shit too.

But back to the terrible story of how they convinced me to marry Nowaki. It's probably better you don't know, like I said emotionally scarring, how they did it. So, I'll spare you the horrible details. ***((It's written at the end))**

Anyway, let's just say I was forced to.

-/-

"I hate you, I really do." I told Misaki, who was acting as my "Bride's maid." Seriously! One of my students! Usami's metal health must be worse than I feared.

"Why?" the small boy asked, as if slightly hurt, "I can't help it. Usami forced me to do this."

"Yeah, you think we actually want to be here, whore?" Shinobu muttered, boldly chewing a piece of gum. In a church?

"Brat,"

Misaki looked between us, before deciding he probably didn't what to know. Then he peeked out the curtain. "Um, I think you should be going up now." He told the blonde.

Shinobu waved it off, "Ugh, I swear I'm gonna kill that guy."

"Aw, but you're such a cute flower girl." I said, as he stepped forward.

Just out of everyone else's sight, the brat flipped me off.

There an annoying organ started and me and Misaki stepped out. Well, at least the only people there I knew were my parents. Wait, my parents?

-/-

I sat up in bed, and looked around. No church, no annoying brats, no pissed off parents. Just the same empty room. Thank goodness.

Nowaki moved beside me and grumbled something.

"Sorry, just going for a glass of water." I whispered before getting up.

Those stupid jerks told me that they were going to handle everything. And that was okay, because it meant Miyagi actually doing something. Of course, that also meant I had no idea what tomorrow was going to be like.

At least I knew the service was Japanese, cause I had to pick out a kimono. And trust me, Kimono-Shopping with Miyagi and Akihiko is no fun. Unless of course, you like being forced to try on everything for someone else's sick amusement while they both make comments about how their own boyfriends would look. Not to mention they had no problem telling me that I had a huge ass and mentioning to every clerk that I had such a nasty attitude because I was getting married. As if it's anyone else's business!

At least the hairpiece was optional.

-/-**((I do not pretend to know very much about the Japanese culture. I knew a little, from anime and stuff. But honestly, that isn't much. The only reason I know a bit about the type of wedding they'd have there is because a friend of mine's sister went to Japan for one. So, it's not a total fail but it's not fully accurate either.))**

Well, did I ever mention how much I hated Usami Akihiko? I don't.

He decided that since America had no epic temples, that he should pay to build one. Luckily Misaki and I talked him out of it. So, instead he rented a cozy little house by the beach. And although it was sort of empty, save for the rooms that Akihiko had already filled with junk, it was still kid of nice. And the walls were luckily soundproof, so no one else had to listen to Shinobu and Miyagi enjoying their little vacation. I just bet he "forgot" to invite the dean.

But it was making Nowaki anxious. Like I was gonna leave him and become a gold digger. Yeah right.

Then again… It was a pretty good idea.

Anyway, you probably want info on my "glamorous" wedding,

Well, it started out okay. There was candle lighting, then the Buddhist monk, whom Usami probably had delivered with FedEx, said stuff. Then their were some gender-based vows, where I was stick as the chick and promised to do good housework. And it was all going pretty well, except then it was our guest turns to give their input. *

That's when it went to hell.

"Hiroki, you've always been my best friend. And growing up, you were always someone I could count on." Usami started, "Even though most of the time you were just kinda annoying, and interrupted my writing. But again, you were someone I could actually trust." Fortunately he then sat down and didn't say anything about sleeping me. Or um, anything.

"Um, you're a good teacher…" Misaki tried and quickly sat down.

"Nowaki," Tsumori started, (where did he come from? And where did his clothes go?) "You're great at playing… er, being a doctor. And a good f… guy." I officially hate that guy.

"I don't really like you, Hiroki. But since you're getting married, I guess I don't have to worry about you stealing my man." Said Miyagi's little brat.

"Uh, I wrote a poem. But it's inappropriate so I can't read it. But don't worry; you'll get to see my lovely work of art! I already E-mailed it to you." Miyagi finished up.

My friends suck. ((Literally))

**-|-Sin City.**

Although staying at Usami's new dream house was nice, it just wasn't honeymoon-ish. Plus, Nowaki already booked a hotel room in Las Vegas. So, we ditched everyone else and just sort of drove off.

"Why is there a restaurant called _'The Gluttony'_?" I asked, staring out the car window.

"It's Sin-City remember?" he said with a smile, "Heck, the hotel we're staying in is called 'Lust Palace.' This place is just being stereotypical."

"I wonder what they call the tattoo parlors… Suicide?" *

"You want to get a tattoo?" Nowaki asked suddenly.

"Yeah, a tramp stamp," I replied rolling my eyes. *

"If you did though… It would be my name right?"

"Yeah, and an arrow pointing down."

"I'm being serious!"

"So am I. It'd say 'Enter here.'"

"Hiro-son…"

"Chill, I'm not getting a tattoo."

-/-**Bonus: **

Being tied down onto a bed by Akihiko was once a wet dream of mine.

Both him and Miyagi You? Not so much.

Not to mention their idea of "punishment" was a little different from any sane person's. Unless of course normal people crosplayed as Ritsu and Saga from Sekaiichi Hatsukoi and took turns whipping the poor innoceit uke whom they'd taken hostage.

All well, I'd have Nowaki beat them up later...

**I hate my own ending. So I may do a small conclusion chapter. Yeah… Probably.**

**Well, it's been fun. And I'll miss you guys.**

I think traditionally they recite blessings but I wanted to change it up a little bit.

I'm pretty sure that's one. One of my cousins killed herself and the priest went on and on about how it was a crime… What a sweet old man he was! Lol

Tramp Stamp- here it means any tattoo on your lower back. But I've heard people on tv use and it's been used more as a hooker-thing. Like, the pimp brands his 'girls' with something. Idk. Here it just means a plain tattoo.

By the way, although I think advertising on these things is tacky, I'm going start Junjou Mistake soon. And Romantica's final is centered around Egoist. :)


End file.
